I’ve been staring at my blog for hours, for days, for weeks not knowing what to say. Not knowing how to explain what I’m feeling about this whole World Race experience. So I’ll start with this…
I feel lost. I know God has called me to go on the Race but I don’t know what to expect, how to act, or how to prepare. I feel disconnected from life in general, there’s 11 months of my life that I can’t plan for and I don’t know what to do. I can’t plan to go to a Lion’s game, go skiing, go to Winter jam, or any event/place from July 2015 through June 2016. I’ll miss weddings and babies and Christmas and softball. I’ll miss my boyfriend, my family, my church, my dog, and my life here in Michigan. The life that I will have for those 11 months feels like a dream. It feels disconnected. I feel lost.
I’ve never been on a missions trip before let alone one for 11 months. I’m SO excited to go to these 11 countries and experience the vastly different cultures, heck I’m even excited to live out of my backpack for a year. I’m excited that I get to do all of these things while helping others, but the things I’m excited for are just the tip of the iceberg that is this 11 month journey. I’m terrified that I wont connect. Ever. I’m terrified that I wont make an impact. That I will leave this journey not knowing if I have helped anyone, even myself. I’m terrified that I am inadequate for the life God had set for me. I know that He has called me for bigger things and I know that with Him I can do ALL things. But I’m terrified.
God, I need you. I trust that this trip is what you have planned for my life. I know it will have its ups and downs, but overall it will be AMAZING! I pray that you will help me connect, that you will quiet my fears and give me peace. I also pray for my squadmates. This will be an uncomfortable journey for all of us. I can already tell that they are amazing people but I know that we all have fears about what the Race will bring. Please Lord give us all your peace. Please Lord make our journey together yours. In Jesus’ name I pray, amen.
