I have hit my wall. I have gotten to the Point of brokenness. I have came to the point where going home sounds more satisfying than staying in this rut. I have hit my point of homesickness where my body physically hurts to be with my family. I just want to them to hug me and for them to tell me that “everything is going to be okay.” I just want my dog. I just want my own space. I just want to be home.
But… That is not what God wants of me. God wants me here now. God wants me to live with 13 other girls, and 6 boys. God wants me to long for him and not my family. God wants me to know that home is with him and not here on this earth. God wants me to hurt physically for him. God wants me to know that I can’t do this alone but I can do this with him. God wants to comfort me and tell me that “everything is going to be okay.”
I have been reading “Forgotten God” by Francis Chan and his words are perfect “ Jesus refers to the Holy Spirit as “Helper” of “Comforter,” Let me ask you a simple question, why would we need to experience comfort if our lives are already comfortable? It is in those who put their lives at risk and suffer for the gospel (Phil 1:29) who will most often experience His being “With you alway,even to the end of the age” Though this verse is true for all believers, ( of course God is always with us), if we are never alone or feeling like we need him, how much do we care or need to know that God is with us?”
If I would have would have went to College would I be experiencing the “Comforter” like I am now. Would I have even cared? In moments like this I understand why the Lord would bring me 2,000 miles away from home. I have lived a distracted life. I have lived a easy life, and now that I have come to the point of Brokenness I have realized what it is like to be Comforted by the “Comforter.
I have hit the Point where the Lord is all that I have. John 14:8 says “If Jesus is all you have, you have all you need.” I truly believe that I have all that I need in him.
I have learned that I am in a spiritual battle. I’m a solider for the Lord. I have an enemy who likes to creep in, and I won’t let him. I have learned that in this I need protection. I have clung to my Sword (the word.) I have truly understood what it means to constantly be preparing for battle. I have found comfort in the Word. I couldn’t do it without my Bible.
I have finally grasped what my parents have been telling me for so many years “You have to be constantly reading your Bible and seeking the Lord, so Satan can’t gain a foothold.” I know that He wants me to get Homesick. Satan wants me to give in and throw in the towel. But I won’t.
I’m here to fight the Good fight. I’m here to persevere even if it means going through rough waters. I will not give in, I will not get weak, and I will not give up. I’m in this for the Long hall. I have the most powerful weapon, and the creator on my side.
“For the Word of God is alive and powerful, It is sharper than the sharpest two- edged sword, cutting between should and spirit, between joint and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” – Hebrews 4:12
I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.
