A week ago, I found out that a dear friend had died tragically in a brutal car accident. The car accident involved no alcohol and everyone wore seatbelts. Several were injured, but only Emily died.
Emily was a bright and loving young woman who loved Jesus and loved others. She smiled easily and made others laugh naturally. As a more reserved person, I often envied her open nature. To be honest, I still don’t know how Emily and I became friends. During my senior year of high school, there she was one day; my new freshman friend. Once Emily was in my life, we were laughing together about teachers, boys, and dance. During one of our last conversations, Emily questioned me about “life after college” and what that was like. She was dreaming about a future that will never happen.
The most devastating part of the loss is that this world has lost a powerful agent for good. Emily lived life in pursuit of God. Her love for people brought her to a love of missions. While I never went on a mission with her, Emily and I talked about our Haiti experiences whenever we got together. When I told Emily that I was going on the World Race, she immediately gave me $10 to put towards my fundraising without any hesitation.
I’m not worried about where Emily is now, because I know without a doubt that she is dancing in heaven. I know Emily is laughing and joking around with her BFF Jesus. I know that she is loving all of her new experiences. But I am deeply troubled, that the world has lost such a lovely light. This is hard, because I know God is a good and loving God, but I simply can’t wrap my head around Emily’s death. It is requiring all my faith to step out and say that my God has a plan to use Emily’s untimely demise to bring others closer to Him. It hurts me deeply, but I’m trusting that my God cares for Emily, her family, and her friends.
Being so far from home and so shocked by her death has been a challenge unto itself. How do I live in the moment and soak up the memories of Kosova, when my life has become plagued by grief? What can I give to the broken people I come across, when I am so broken-hearted?
Throughout my past week, I have tried to love as Emily would have loved. Embracing others, loving life, wearing chacos, and dancing in the street. I’m doing all of these things because it’s what Emily would have done if she had had the opportunity. I’m doing all of these things, for the beautiful caring friend who loved the least of these and Jesus with all of her heart. I’m doing all of these things for Emily.
You have turned my mourning into dancing; you took off my sackcloth and clothed me with a garment of joy. Psalm 30:11
