ever since I started the race i couldn’t wait to get out here and do my part in “helping” those in need. I thought that once I got overseas and to these underprivileged villages that the heartbreak would be so evident. that there would be little kids running around without any clothes on with little pot bellies due to lack of nutrients in their diet. I thought the mothers and fathers of those kids would be so grateful for my help because obviously I have a superior hand in this matter, seeing as I don’t live in poverty. I thought the homeless people would take care packages from me as i prayed over them and someone took a “candid” snapshot that I could treasure for years to come. I thought I could save these people.
here’s what I didn’t think of- this is NOT about me. I’m not anyone special and I’m surely not anyone’s savior. I’m not here by my own works but because god called me here. It’s not me reaching the people in these villages, it’s god.
I spent so much time looking to be the hero for these people I forgot to look at them as children of god. yes there were all those things i mentioned above but there was also never ending smiles from the babies because they honestly always smile here. Or the laughter of the little kids as they kick around a empty soda bottle as a soccer ball. or the testimonies of the parents who shared their hearts with complete strangers. I forgot to see that god was already here working in these peoples lives and that I’m not here to save them but simply share life with them. To show them that while we may be different in the way we live or the color of our skin we are all still the same. we are all children of god whom he loves equally and unconditionally. I’m here to show them that as bad as they think their life may be or as bad as a person they believe themselves to be, god is still right here walking beside and guiding them, I’m living proof of that.
god has really wrecked my heart with the whole “entitled American” deal. I don’t want to be that person who thinks I’ll save people because honestly, they don’t need me to save them, they need god. what I do want to be is such a follower of Christ that when people look at me all they see is him. that as I minister to people that they don’t see it as an act of me being better than them but that I’m simply living out of the fathers love. that everything I do is centered around god and done in his love.
all I want is to hug and hold the children here and sit and talk with the adults. to be open and raw with them and show them my brokenness and how not together I really am. to get my hair braided by the little girls and cry because they braid so tight. playing endless games of soccer and jump rope just so these babies know how much they’re loved. I just want to be the hands and feet of god.
so I’m dropping this idea that I’m here to fix these people and remembering that I’m here to serve god and love his people endlessly.
