In Malaysia, I became friends with a homeless man. We got to have some really good conversations and he even shared his life story with me. He told me that he was in between religions and didn’t really know which one he would choose. He told me about all the religions he’s tried out but not a word about Christianity. I asked him if he could come back the next week so I could tell him about about what I believe and about Jesus. To my delight, he agreed.
The next time came and he showed up, I was pumped! We sat down and I got to tell him everything that I believe. I told him about my personal relationship with Jesus. About how Jesus died for our sins and that he rose 3 days later. That we can have everlasting life if we accept Him as our savior. I told him that I speak to God and He speaks to me. I told him about the power of the Holy Spirit.
He listened very intently and thanked me for telling him about Jesus without any agenda.
We decided next time we would talk more.
I was so excited because I just KNEW that next time he would be accepting Christ. I just knew it.
So the next time came, and I woke up sick. Like really sick. And I said nope, I’m gonna go talk to my friend and he’s going to accept Jesus today. On the bus ride there, God spoke to me very clearly. He said, if he doesn’t show up today will you still be motivated. Will you still show up and still serve me? Would you still have felt the sense of urgency to go and that people needed you? Would I still get your full YES today. Honestly I brushed it off because I was so sure that today was the day. Sure enough…he didn’t show up. And the next time…he also didn’t show up. I was discouraged…and humbled. Big time. I said, okay God, I get the message, lesson learned.
But because I’m stubborn, I ended up going to find him at the spot in the streets where he sleeps. I went again and again. I took him food. I gave his friends food. I took him water and candy. I told him more about Jesus every time. I was sure that each time he’d be ready to accept Jesus. He never was ready or truly deeply wanted to.
Frustrated, I sat on the bus home that last time and told the Lord how I felt like I did everything I could. And He said something to me that has echoed in my heart every day since and I will never forget it.
ONLY BY MY POWER. ONLY THROUGH THE HOLY SPIRIT. Not by your meager “efforts” or “strength”, only by My power.
It’s all God, not me at all.
All in God’s timing and not mine.
I don’t have to rush things or force things, God has it under control. Which is actually really refreshing. I can just rest. Knowing that I planted that seed and seeds don’t turn into oak trees over night. They take years and lots of watering. And God is in control of it.
Not mine, but HIS.
