This week my team began reading through Song of Songs together. Perk of being on an all women team: You can talk about God as a Lover and everyone gets super excited. Right?
Not quite.
So far I am having a really difficult time with the study.
We’ve had two studies so far and I sit there silently, with nothing to add.
If I am honest it’s not really a study I want to do.
I have a hard time seeing God as a Lover.
And I do not want to see Him that way. (Or at least I thought)
Seeing Him as:
King – Reign on
Papa – Hold me in your arms
Brother – Lets hang out
Savior – Praise Him
Creator – Mold away
I can do these. In the past He has called me into these levels of relationship with Him and I have greeted Him ready for more. But this time He is calling me to deeper intimacy and I am resisting, but neither is it the first time I have resisted.
I have allowed past earthly relationships to be placed on God, feeding me lies about my ability to be loved in such a way and my desire to be loved this way. He is revealing these lies to me and speaking life into them. Uncovering the wounds so that they can be healed and ultimately so that our relationship can become more intimate.
I do not want to run when God is offering more. Once again He is pursuing me and like the gentleman that He is, waiting patiently for me to take His hand.
The creator of the universes wants to romance me; I just have to say “Yes.” And I think I am finally ready.
I am excited to enter into this new part of my relationship with God, but I am also scared. So I hold onto the promise of 1 John 4: 18, “Perfect love casts out fear.” Trusting that my fears will be silenced as I experience more of His perfect love.
I thought I came on the Race so I could share God’s love with others around the world. But it looks like God is taking me around the world so that He can also pour more of His love out on me.
I was made for intimacy and He longs to romance me.
