“We need to talk,” she whispers to me before class.
“Okay?” I wonder why.
“Can I speak to you at tea time?”
“Sure. Just come find me then,” I say.
Class begins, and today is the best kind of day—movie day. They are watching War Room, a Christian based film with a message on the transformational power of prayer. Tea time rolls around, and I look for her. She is sitting at her table with the other learners like nothing is wrong. I pass by and mention to her that I am available anytime she is ready. She never comes.
We have more class between tea time and lunch break, but today the men and women are split into groups. There are important topics to delve into separately—the role of Biblical man and womanhood. The instructor shows the women romantic pictures of a man and a woman on the beach enjoying the sunset, and she shows pictures of a party girl drinking and dancing. Then she says, this kind of girl does not get this kind of man. The women all nod in somber agreement with their gears visibly turning reflecting on their own life circumstances and decisions. A quick poll by a show of hands reveals only one woman in the room of 25 is married.
These single women dreaming of Godly men are then handed to the five ladies on my World Race team for small group discussion (akin to counseling sessions). Their instructor encourages them to listen to God to lead them to a particular American’s group. The woman who “needs to talk” joins my group.
We talk about their perceptions of War Room and any questions that arose. One woman talks about her new resolve to start praying for her future husband. Another is in an unhealthy relationship and is trying to decide about him. We talk about finding a man who treasures her, not just one she can “put up with”. I tell them the importance of risking the pain of loneliness that comes in leaving a relationship in order to leave room for God to bring someone better. We talk about not settling for the vanilla or strawberry when you know chocolate cake is coming later.
She has been quiet during the conversation. I ask for her opinions, and she tells the group she will talk to me privately. When lunch break comes, she is still hesitant. I am beyond curious now, so I follow her to check her phone charging in a supply closet.
We are in there for half an hour.
“It was September 20, 2007,” she starts off. “I was in my grandmother’s neighborhood and there were three men. The oldest man…” She chokes, and I put my hand on her shoulder. “…raped me,” she manages to get out.
“I am a single mom. My son is 5. I tried to have a relationship with another man, but every time it was not good. I still felt like I was being raped. Then I got pregnant. He would not pay for our son so I do not see him anymore. I just cannot forget the rape, and I am scared of men. I do not ever visit my grandmother. I know that man is still there. I just want to be a good mom, but my son only has one clothes and I cannot pay for transportation for him to go to school.” She speaks slowly, between tears.
My heart is breaking and I lift up a silent prayer to the Lord asking for the right words.
“NO ONE deserves to be raped. That is a terrible thing and I am SO sorry that happened to you. It makes God sad too. But when God looks at you, did you know that he sees you as a new creation? He promises that his mercies are new EVERY MORNING! With God, every day is a fresh start. I know you will never forget what happened, but if you are stuck in this dark place, you will never know the GOOD things planned for your future. Do you pray?” I ask.
“Sometimes. But sometimes it feels like I am talking to someone who is not there.”
“I understand that. Sometimes, our prayers aren’t answered in the ways we hope. Can I tell you that He is though? I think the fact that we are standing in this supply closet and you are able to share with me proves that He is listening to you. He wants me to tell you that He has so much good for you! He gave you your son as a gift, did you know? He did not want to leave you alone. He wants you to know that you are a good mom. I see how you smile when you talk about your son. What is his name?”
“Tsolophelo” she says. “It means Heart.”
“How wonderful is God that he left you with a pure and whole Heart even after all the pain and reasons to have a broken heart! You are doing something wonderful for your son by being here at Pop-Up training for a job so you can provide for him. I have this vision that if you start talking to God believing that He is listening, you will finish this program and get offered a job. And you will take that job and God will take care of your heart and your Heart. And maybe even down the road, there will be a man in your future. Someone better than anyone you could dream of. Someone that is just your friend at first so you trust him. And then he will show you how much He cares about you and let you know how beautiful you are.”
“Maybe,” she says and smiles. I can tell she is now thinking about it as a possibility.
“Can I pray with you?” I ask, holding her hands in my own.
I do not know what I am saying. It is one of those prayers that the Holy Spirit takes over. She cries some more and we hug, and then her phone is charged and we go eat.
I join her table of friends, and we make small talk over lunch. They show me pictures of their children, and they all play with my hair and ask to take pictures with me.
The certificate ceremony is after lunch. The learners have completed 3 weeks in the Life Skills course learning about the physical and spiritual world, salvation, and decision making. They receive their certificates verifying their attendance while dressed to the nines. South Africans love a good excuse to dress up.
We are asked to be in a million more pictures as the learners don their “official papers”, but I slip away to give my friend a note:
I want you to read Psalm 13. The writer, David, is called the man after God’s own heart, yet he has feelings just like you. I hope you can take comfort in these words and know that I am praying for you. Never forget how much God loves you!
How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
Look on me and answer, Lord my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing the Lord’s praise,
for he has been good to me.
I do not know where she is, what she is doing right now, or if she and her son had money for food today. But I do know that He used me to speak truth to her and remind her that she is not defined by her past experiences. And I do know that God has plans for her life, for hope and for a future.
