So today has been kinda blah, and so was yesterday. Just feeling lethargic… not wanting to do anything but be a lazy bum. Almost felt untruthful when I told people that I’m excited about the World Race. Truth is I’m very excited about the race…but not necessarily feeling that way today. Not wanting to be around people. And I thought about this one for quite a while. Its weird because last semester I lived with 300 freshmen as an RA in Bowdon, and now I’m at home with my parents and sister…much different environment now…from very frequent socializing to comparitively minimal interaction with others close to my age. Its been lonely. But I’m also hesistant to form new relationships with people here because I know that I will be leaving in a few weeks. Why make leaving painful? I have a few friends here…but most have moved on…so in regard to going on the world race I know that many other racers will miss their current environment with nearby friends and family tremendously, but for me the thought of leaving does not carry with it a big sense of loss. I don’t have a job or regular activity that I spend a lot of time on. Most of my friends aren’t here and I’ve already been away from my family for about the same period of time as I’ll be gone on the race. That’s not to say I don’t appreciate those of you I see regularly, but I”m in this awkward transitional stage of statuslessness.
Do you know how long I’ll have in each country, maybe 3 or 4 weeks. That’s it. Then pack up and move to the next place. Thinking about my lack of desire to meet new people now and build relationships because I know I’ll be leaving soon. That’s one of my biggest fears about going on the world race. Not fully devoting myself to get to know and minister to locals because I know the more I love them, the more it will hurt to leave them. And 11 months of meeting new people, ministering to them, and then leaving will be exhausting. After a few months, it will be an on-going struggle to be fully engaged, to serve whole-heartedly in whatever I’m doing because it would be so much easier just to go through motions, and construct barriers that keep me guarded. That’s my concern-it will be so easy to say…I’m tired of seeing people today…can’t even understand a word people are saying….why put forth all my effort when I’m leaving in 2 weeks. And I don’t want to do that. I want to be there, fully, with my mind, heart and soul.
Beginning with training camp, my emotions have become more intense than they’ve been in quite some time. I’m really feeling things- highs are high and lows are low. But since I”ve written my last blog, its like God has just been giving me blessing after blessing, and more than anything He has given full confidence that He indeed will provide every penny needed for the trip. Really didn’t have that sense of assurance prior to April 19. In the last 2 weeks I’ve lived in a way that I really expect Him to listen to my prayers and act on my behalf. I think my perspective has changed. He has given me so many blessings…its like I’m stuck in a ball pit- like those ones at McDonalds..and every time I try to move…new balls pop up and I can’t get out… like His blessings that surround me. I am so blessed by just the little things…like hanging out with a friend who buys me lunch and then we play on a modern art playground, recieving new clothes for the trip by one of the most encouraging and full-of-faith people I know, it felt like a birthday. ..having people who have already given a large amount toward the trip, give again…2 hour phone call catching up with a friend far away…chatting with my team on facebook and skype…..blessed by my parents with no rent and free food! and playing with my hyperactive dog that tickles my feet by licking my toes. And God seems more real and alive to me …and His Word nourishes me. I know I am in the center of His willl- right where I need to be.
What has been most remarkable to me about the last 2 weeks is the confidence that God has given me that He will provide. It hasn’t been something I’ve worried about…he’s got it under control. I still need to tell people of my need and ask them to give, but God is the one to compel people to give and brings it all in. Altogether I need $15,000, and 8280 of that to leave by the end of the month….I have about 5000 now so thats roughly $3300 needed in a short amount of time. God can sneeze that money onto my lap right now. (totally biblical…Hezekiah 6:12) Really, Leigh? that’s ridiculous. No. What’s ridiculous is trusting that God has rescued me from the pit of hell, knows the number of hairs on my head (changes daily), loves me completely, controls the universe, yet somehow fails to grasp the severity of my current financial situation. Why is it so hard for so many of us to trust God with money?
I have a big fund raiser coming up on May 16…it will be a huge yard sale at my church…trying to get many people to donate things now. Please keep this fund raiser in your prayers. And if you live in Marietta, bring me stuff you no longer use! Please keep me in your prayers as I continue to rely on God through the entire process…and leave in less than 4 weeks! I can’t believe it…its almost here…its so surreal. Please consider giving …its real easy just click on the “support me” link on the left. Thanks.
May God Bless You all!
