“In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life will be persecuted.” 2 Timothy 3:12
There is this sneaky thing called the Devil, who twists and turns things until they are misconstrued and imbedded that way into your mind. For me, I took 2 Timothy 3:12 to mean no one is going to like me because I am a Christian. This was a lie that formed inside me when I was a teen and got stronger and stronger over time. I had a fear of sharing my faith. I closeted myself in and kept God in my heart. I had this fear that people would flee at the name of Jesus and the mention of a personal relationship with him. If truth is to be told, I think really the devil was the one who was scared of Jesus name and he twisted this lie so I would not speak the truth. These lies suffocated me.
I feel like maybe you need a little more background…
I started to feel guilt and shame that wrapped around this life that I was living probably around the middle of my senior year of college. I realized I was on this mission for worldly happiness and instead of happiness I was finding myself in this dark place instead. The happiness was only momentary; it came from nights of drinking and partying, basically numbing myself out. It was then that I realized I did not want to find happiness that way. It was then that I started to turn back to God.
After I graduated I found myself in an abyss. I was living in two worlds; Two quite different worlds. I wasn’t sure how to be this new me and this old me all at the same time. I think if you were around me during that time, you might have been wondering if I was depressed because there was this heaviness associated with me. There was a battle raging and I was fighting for freedom.
My biggest fear about doing the world race was, “What are my friends going to think?” By taking this leap of faith I was going to have to put myself out there and with that send my secret out of the closet. I thought okay this is it; they are going to think I am this crazy freak. What do I say, how do I explain it. This is going to be a real “Shocker.” But you know what? One day I decided I just didn’t really care what other people thought anymore. Either I was for Jesus or I was against him and they were going to love me anyway or…it would be fine, I don’t need them in my life then. I mean really I have always loved Jesus so now it’s just in the open and I am still my “Sassy” self.
God really blew up the Devils spot over the last week. I found myself in awe of the way the lid went flying. I started telling friends one by one about the race and their reactions were, to be honest, the opposite of what I thought. People were “Siked,” inspired, and rejoicing with me. I mean come on, they’re my friends what did I expect? Honestly? I expected rejection. When I ever told a group of five of my best friends from college and their boyfriends and they opened champagne and toasted me, I was stunned. It blew my mind. It was in that moment that I realized just how powerful the lies of Satan are. Later on that weekend another one of my best friends told me, yeah she might make fun of me about this stuff, but she will love me anyway, and to me that meant the world.
I am not saying I have it all figured out because I definitely don’t, I am still figuring out who I am and how to be me all the time and in any social setting. I wonder can my friends see that I had been holding so much heaviness for so long and now I am free? Can they see that something is different in me, that God has really worked inside me? I am so excited to share my faith and my journey with my friends. I am so excited to just be real.
