Wayyyyyyy back in India, aka month 1, aka 10 months ago, I wrote this blog. Refresh your memory. It’s a good one.
I brought a guitar on the World Race.
I no longer have a guitar.
At the beginning of month 2, H Squad had our first debrief [5 days every 3-4 months set aside for squad worship, teaching sessions, rest, and encouragement]. During that time, the Lord prompted me to volunteer to lead worship with my guitar – an utterly nerve-wracking experience, completely wrapped in grace and vulnerability and dependence on Him alone. It was awesome.
A few weeks later during our all-squad ministry in Nepal, 7 of us were assigned to a week of ministry leading a worship workshop for a local church. The very first day, I knew I wasn’t leaving with my guitar. From the moment we walked in the door the Lord started loosening my grip on ‘my’ guitar, gently unclenching my fists from an instrument I came to love so dearly, whispering to me that his plan is best.
I looked around all week, asking God who he wanted to give the guitar to. Maybe the 15-year old girl in the front row? The shy but passionate man in the corner? Nope, nope. The Lord kept shaking his head, reminding me he’d make it clear.
His name is Bipin. He was our translator for the week, a missionary dedicated to serving his own people, the definition of “making a joyful noise.”
The very first day, he picked up a guitar and started singing. He didn’t know chords or strum patterns or tunes, but he knew passion. He played not to make anyone else happy or to impress his audience, but to worship the Lord.
Fully. Wholeheartedly. With abandon.
The final day of the workshop, the Lord told me to give my guitar to Bipin. As I had decided I was the best judge of who should receive this gift, I told God “no.” (Let the record show I actually told the Lord “no thank you”…at least I was polite about it?)
A few days later Bipin and his wife invited us for dinner at their house. The 7 of us barely fit inside, squeezing together on the floor of their one room while they served us with incredible hospitality. Conviction hit as I saw how little they had, yet how joyful they were.
“Leah, give him your guitar.”
But I didn’t do it that night either.
Our final day in Nepal, we were at the international church when I heard it one more time. “Leah, give Bipin your guitar.” So I said “fine, Jesus. I will. But only if I see him today. I’m not going to go searching for him.”
I saw him. I chickened out.
When I got home after church, I regretted it. I sat and looked at my guitar, the guitar that wasn’t supposed to be mine anymore, and I asked for one more chance.
Thankfully, Jesus is all about second (and third and fourth) chances. Praise ‘em. That night (our last night in the country) I went to dinner, and the first thing I hear walking back in the door of our house is “Leah, Bipin’s here!”
“Leah. I love him too. Here’s your chance.”
Tears. “Pray for me,” I whispered to a friend as I caught Bipin before he left.
“Bipin, do you have a guitar?” I blurted it out before I could stop myself. His eyes got wide as he said “I am borrowing one from a friend, but it is broken. So I am praying that God would give me a guitar.”
“Wait here. I have something for you.” I nearly tripped up and down all 4 flights of stairs as I ran up to grab my guitar, tears streaming down my face.
My tears were met by his as I reached the entryway and handed him my guitar. He thanked me and left, both of us still crying.
“Good job, Leah.”
The Lord and I made a deal after that: He’d provide me with a guitar when I was supposed to have one again. I am not to buy my own guitar.
That day hasn’t come yet, so I don’t currently own a guitar. But God promised that there’s more for me to learn with or without my own guitar, so for the past 7 months He put on a team with 5 other girls, who have their own 3 guitars and 2 ukeleles for me to borrow.
Since my month there in October, Bipin and his family have started a ministry in Kathmandu, and are continuing to grow their ministry and support their community after the earthquakes. Meanwhile, I’ve spent months in 9 more countries, each one teaching me something a little different about worship.
This year I’ve failed, I’ve made excuses, I’ve decided to give up…and every time, the Lord has given me another chance. He’s replaced my insecurity and inexperience with courage and boldness, and reminded me again and again that He’s a really good teacher, and I’m still learning to worship.
