This entire process for the World Race for me began at the end of January. It has been filled, absolutely filled, with snafus. And all of the prayer, concern, effort and generosity has culminated: training camp. I went, I saw and I made it out alive. So throughout the beginning of this journey, regardless of snafus, did I ever really think I’d get here?
No. And yes. Mostly no. At any point in time you could have asked me, “So do you think this will actually happen?” And I would have said “Yes! I believe in what the Lord told me would happen.” But hidden in the recesses of my mind, that I didn’t even know were there, was a definite and complete “No.”
I can say I have faith for something, in prayer or in the Lord or in what He said. But then I catch myself surprised when it comes to fruition. For example, I had faith that the Lord would provide funds for the first deadline. And when funds came, “I was stunned. Just stunned. Stunned is the only way to describe how, stunned I was!”(Only the cool kids know this is a Golden Girls reference.)
I find myself a little scared now. My faith in the Lord’s provision isn’t shrinking, it’s growing. And I’m scared of this confidence. I know the Lord is going to provide the funds for this trip. I know I’m going to get on a plane to Central and South America. I know I’ll witness terrifying and great things, be apart of them, and be forever changed by them.
What I’m saying? A part of me, a much bigger part than I thought, never believed this would happen. I was playing, just pretending.
Now that I believe even more in what the Lord has said would happen, I’m afraid of everything I know. I’m afraid that the Lord is actually providing the funds for this trip. I’m afraid of getting on a plane to Central and South America. I’m afraid of witnessing terrifying and great things, being apart of them and being changed by them.
I’ve heard faith and fear cannot be present together, that one will win and push the other out. It’s a different kind of fear they’re talking about there. Have you ever sung Hillsong’s “Oceans”? “Lead me where my trust is without borders,” that’s what you ask and pray to the Lord. It’s terrifying, positively terrifying, when He answers back, “I will.”
