I think the idea of missions was really something that I dreamed of doing since I was in
high school. But that’s really all it was then, just a dream…I didn’t think I
could really handle doing something so potentially risky-and the thought of
doing something like this would have completely scared me to tears then. I have
learned a lot since then and through Christ’s moving I have conquered many
fears, things that I felt bound by and lies that the devil was telling me and I
was believing as truth. The main lie was that I wasn’t strong enough to handle
a missionary life. This could be true in some ways, I by my own power most
certainly would have a difficult time on the mission field. But me and Jesus
out in the World– well that is unstoppable. He’s the shepherd and I am the
sheep…He says “follow me” and that is what I finally decided to do.
During
college many of my friends and both of my roommates my junior year were going
on long mission trips and having incredible experiences on these. I was always
so excited for them and my heart would always beat faster when I would hear
their stories and see their pictures. My kitchen walls my junior of college
were actually plastered with pictures of the sweetest faces of children and
parents from Ethiopia and Malawi. These were the places my roommates had just
returned from, and seeing those faces everyday awakened that longing to expand
my mission field from Phoenix Arizona, to around the world.
God just
really used my college years to take me through many experiences that I said
Inever wanted to do. Some are
really silly but here they are….I went to college in state, which I said I
would NOT do (especially GCU). I just wanted to leave AZ so
badly. But God kept me there and did amazing things in my heart during that
time. And brought me some of my best friends that I never would have met, I
grew closer to Him and my family and I was able to get a great education and
have such a fun college experience.
I also really
wanted to get a degree in nursing since I was a little girl but I felt led to
get into education instead- which was definitely the perfect fit for me. I love
teaching and have learned a lot through the responsibility of teaching little
moldable minds.
I planned on
graduating a semester early and was really proud of that fact and somehow a
couple weeks before I was supposed to start student teaching I found out I
still had a whole semester of classes to take. This was a total shock but I
felt really at peace about not student teaching then, I wasn’t ready at that
time in my life and wouldn’t have loved teaching as much as I do now if I had
taught then.
So instead of
going to GCU I went to GCC -GCC is the community college that I said I would
“never” go to. This felt like a step in the wrong direction for me, but of
course was exactly what I needed. I was back at home and I felt like God had
taken everything that I dreamed of and loved away from me. Haha it’s so funny
to me now because this was such a time of blessing that I couldn’t see through
the pain and hurt in my life at that time. But I love seeing it now!!
I realize now
that God wasn’t actually taking away my dreams and loves -he was renewing them
to something better that He had planned for me. He was preparing me for the
World Race through so many little things.
I ended up
having the best student teaching experience with the most amazing mentor
teacher (Lisa Dezember) and I found a great passion for teaching inside me.
Living at home was just what I needed and after graduation I had the strangest
feeling that I should not get a teaching job right after college. I needed a
teaching job and that would have been the logical thing to do, but I couldn’t
turn off the Holy Spirits voice saying there was some call that was greater
right now. I decided I didn’t want the cookie cutter life right now of going to high school, college, jump into
a career, and get married. Of course, I planned my life that way since I was
little but for now those things can wait a year or whenever God puts them in my
life. So ….I did something that I was really uncomfortable with and wasn’t
thrilled about doing….I WAITED. I was STILL and I waited until He told me what
to do. Once I got over the ashamed part of not having a job after my nanny job
was over in the summer I started to seek the Lord about where to go from there
and He spoke to me through several friends and through every sermon I heard and
book that I read at that time. I started applying for missions trips through
Adventures In Missions-these were much shorter like 2-3 months but none of them
really pulled on my heart the way I knew something would.
I had heard
of the World Race through friends of friends. I remember looking at a girls
blog a couple years ago and she was saying they were living in tents and they
had fleas or something and I seriously said ” I could NEVER do that” haha well
right then I should have known that 2 years later I WOULD be doing just that, because God and I have that relationship where I think I can’t do something and
He gives me the power and push (with a little chuckle I imagine) to do the
unthinkable in my life.
Well anyway
when I was applying for these other trips I hadn’t even remembered the World
Race and then I got an email after
a night of praying and seeking some answers for my life. I felt stale after all
that being STILL and I was asking God for a solid answer and purpose. So the
next morning I got the email that said “have you heard the Whisper” the calling
of something greater and more than just this “all about me” life. Well those few
lines did it…I think I was IN from that point and didn’t know it. I immediately
started reading everyones blogs for hours and I was just crying and laughing
and very…SURE!
So it took me
another couple months to finally submit my application because I wanted be
extra sure : ) So I prayed and the more I sat on it the more sure I was and the more I couldn’t not take
action and follow this call on my life.
The day I
turned in my application was the day I was finally, after months of waiting,
able to start substitute teaching. What a great reward that was and I felt
like the blessings for obedience after that were abundant. It was neat to see
how laying down my will in some ways, allowed God to work and then He just
simply in His awesome power took the weight off my shoulders and carried it for
me. He wanted the control of my life that I wouldn’t quite let go of, and let
me just say, I am SO glad I gave it to Him.
I’m sorry
this is SO long…you might not have made it through the whole thing but I appreciate
you taking the time to read however much you did. I am learning this being
vulnerable thing more and more, so this long blog was the result of that
vulnerability.
Blessings from His servant,
Leah
