Yesterday was out of control.
I know you were there with us
but even with the mountain view out the church window,
and the cool breeze blowing through the door,
and the scriptures taped on the wall,
I couldn't really feel you…
or hear you…
But I know you're always listening, so here it is-
I guess can we talk about the kids first?
How the heck are 4 english speaking gringos
supposed to keep 70 kids entertained for the afternoon
on a moments notice?
I know this isn't your typical go to God type question
but I'm totally open to some divine ideas
if you have them up your sleeve.
I mean, problem number 1-
they speak spanish and we speak english
so all of my handy go-to camp games were just impossible
because I couldn't explain how to play them.
Problem number 2-
there's 70 kids ranging in ages from 1-10.
Half of them want to be held the whole time
and the others want to play.
Have I mentioned there was only 4 of us there?
Well, 3 and 1/2 because I was busy having a meltdown.
I'm sure you were just laughing at me.
Its cool.
But I have other questions too…
ones that I don't feel quite so ridiculous bringing to you.
Like why don't these kids have clean water?
And what makes us so special that we can
carry our big blue jugs of clean water into their villages,
only magnifying the fact that we are healthy and they're dying?
tengo sed…
tengo sed…
tengo sed…
they are thirsty Papa…can we do something?
And then there's my boy Miguel.
Sadly, I dont actually remember if thats really his name
there was just so much going on yesterday
but it seems like almost every boy here is named that
so I will always remember him as Miguel.
When I first met him I instantly labeled him as the punk
because he wouldn't listen and kept trying to get all the attention
but now I wish so bad I hadn't been as quick to judge him…
His mom was in the room yesterday
when I was trying to get everyone to play a game
He wasn't listening of course and was only creating more chaos
so his mom came over yelling
and hit him so hard across his face with a tree branch
in front of everyone
No.
…why? …how often? …could I have stopped her?
he's just a kid
I guess all I'm really asking,
is could you hold him extra tonight, God?
I just know he needs it…
And for sweet Johnnie,
the woman who spent all day yesterday
cooking our food
when she didnt even have any for her own family…
could you bring her a miracle?
I hear you're the one to come to for those things
I wont be there to see the miracle,
but I hope my faith is enough
that you'll make it happen for Johnnie.
I think maybe yesterday felt so out of control
because I had way more questions than answers.
I have no idea how to care for 70 screaming kids
with only 3 pairs of hands in the room to help
I dont know how to get clean water for so many people
or how to not feel guilty for drinking mine.
I dont know when the next time is
that Johnnie and her precious daughters will eat again
And I dont know how bad Miguel's life is at home
or what happens to him when no one is looking
I dont know if my impatience only added fuel to the fire yesterday
I just dont know…
I do know that its only month 1
and adrenaline should proabably still be fueling our fire
but it's not…at least not mine.
Moving from village to village every few days sounded adventurous inAmerica
but really it has our team both physcially and emotionally exhausted.
But truly, more than anything,
I know that you are GOOD.
So today I'm trusting in the questions
that you have faithfully given me answers to-
Do you love me?
Yes, my girl. More than anything in the world
Are you sure I can do this?
Absolutely. I created you for it
God, are you there?
Every single minute. Just trust me…
