I wrote this back in Peru, but I’m posting it now… the day I go HOME!!!
On the race I’ve heard many people talk about their childhood, whether it was good or bad. Numerous people have shared how they don’t remember a lot of things that happened in their past. They have forgotten their memories. They pray for good memories to come back because they know they had a nice upbringing at times, no matter how much of it was negative. Some have confronted their family members about things they did that made a negative impact on their life… and usually that family member doesn’t even remember doing the thing that affected the other person substantially.
Now I’m very lucky, you see. I had a wonderful upbringing!!
However, it has got me thinking… Do my parents even know the memories that I have, that have made me, me? Maybe my parents don’t even remember the same things that I do. I wonder if there are some memories in my mind that have been so impactful in sculpting who I am today, but my parents have forgotten that it even happened.
So this is mostly a letter to my parents. I want them to know some of the moments that have happened in my life, that I think back on the most.
Mom, do you remember…?
Driving Anthea and I to Lake Lanier and blasting the Spice Girls the entire way there. What a wonderful childhood memory filled with pure happiness, that you didn’t even know you were creating for me.
When I first heard you say a bad word. I was running errands with you in high school and you saw the prices at the gas station had gone down $.30 when you had just filled up your tank the day before. You saw the prices and randomly said “….. Ohhhhhh, s**t.” Bahahahaha I loved that!
One time you spanked me in your bedroom and sat me on your lap while I was crying. You apologized for having to do that and then you explained to me what I did that made me deserve a spanking. I look back on that often and think about how great it was that you could punish me with love and make sure I understand the reason behind it.
When I made you cry in the kitchen. We kept comparing you to grandma in a way that made fun of her and it hurt your feelings a lot until you broke down. I hate thinking about that. It makes me sad over and over again every time I think about it. I never want to make you feel like that ever again… but I haven’t forgotten that day. It will be forever ingrained in my memory.
When you were standing in the family room and the house phone rang. I was sitting right there when they told you that grandma died and you were not okay (rightfully so) it’s like papa knew exactly what the phone call was before the lady even said the words and he came to hug you while you cried in the room. It was like time moved in slow motion.
All the times you saved some ground beef for me in a small dish to the side, just because it was an easy way to make me happy and show that you care.
When we get Costco pizza together. I’m not sure how it started, Anthea has been there many times with us, but it my mind it became a just “you and me” thing since there have been so many moments where only the two of us have gone to Costco, and you always have bought me pizza. It feels special. I love that so freaking much.
When you would smile that scary smile at me because it would always freak me out.
When you’ve said “Darn it huscavarnet”… even though you don’t remember saying it at all.
When I needed face wash or a makeup sponge or toner, and you would just walk right down into the office and open up all these Mary Kay boxes for me to choose from.
Going to the pool. You would cut watermelon, you would pack snacks, you would carry the pool bag with all the swim stuff, we could have soda… that was a perfect “mom” thing you did. I’m positive the things that you’ve done like that are countless (if only I could remember all of them) from carrying our baby bags, to our pool bags, to our backpacks, to holding our purses, you’re always right there.
Papa, do you remember…?
When you packed the wooden spoon on our family vacation to Ohio and then Anthea got in trouble and you spanked her on the front porch outside. I was by the upstairs window, so thankful that it wasn’t me getting in trouble first and getting spanked. Phew!
When I called you my senior year from school because I was lying to the front desk lady saying I had a doctors appointment. She made me call you to confirm, then when she left the office I told you that I didn’t actually have an appointment but I couldn’t go to my next class because I forgot to do a project. Then she came and grabbed the phone to talk to you and you told her I had a doctors appointment. So she let me check myself out and I drove myself to McDonalds and then went home. You came in clutch! You were the Worlds Best Father that day fa’sho.
Letting me play with those tiny fuzzy stickers and miniature cars in your cubicle at work.
How you always offered to be my excuse to not go somewhere. Saying I could always blame it on you and say “My dad won’t let me.” Even if the real reason was just because I didn’t want to go.
Whenever I cried when I was younger and said “This is the worst day of my life!” you always said “I hope it is!” I used to think that was so mean of you, now I understand that it was a super nice thought.
When I ran into your arm as it hug off the side of the couch and almost hyperextended your elbow. I felt so bad that I hurt you.
Crying when Pooliki died. That’s the first time I remember you crying.
When I got so pissed off, I threw things around in my room, I threw the mattress off my bed and the box spring off the bed frame, and you let me go in the basement to yell.
When I would ask you to move from in front of the tv and instead you would just wiggle and stand in the same place.
Whenever Anthea or I would watch ourselves cry in the reflection of the window behind you and you moved your little head around to block us from being able to see ourselves. Hahahaha
Well I remember. I remember all of these things, and more. I think back on these memories. Some make me sad, some make me smile, but all of them have played a part in making me who I am… and although I wish I hadn’t done the upsetting things I did… I haven’t forgotten them either.
I love my family every single day I breathe. If I ever needed a reason to live, my family would be enough.
