What am I Doing!?!

Today I spent some time reading past racers’ blogs and couldn’t help thinking to myself “What have I gotten myself into?”. Don’t get me wrong I’m excited to embark on this new adventure, but the realities of daily life on the trip really sank in deep. Am I ready for this year? Am I ready to give up my comfortable life? Am I ready to walk away from a steady and reliable job? Am I ready to trust for finances? Am I ready, really ready to lay down all my rights and humble myself? Am I ready to live a life bent low 24/7?

 

The Sunday school answer: Yes of course I am because Jesus is Strong in my weaknesses.

Real Life answer: Not there yet, but I know that God will form and fashion me into what he needs me to be when he needs me to be it along this trip. I am far from living bent low, I wish I could say that I live a life that is completely humbled and that I have faded into nothing and Christ’s brilliance is all that is left. I can’t, but maybe just maybe along the way I will have pounded away the rough, sharp edges of Leah. Maybe, just maybe because I am not “there” yet (wherever “there” is) I will be able to be the clay jar that gives the best contrast to the brillance of the treasure that is within. Maybe.

 

I walk into this next year knowing that it won’t always be easy, but knowing that I’m walking into it in obedience.

 

In the center of His will is a place that I desire to be always, counting the cost of obedience. When I count that cost obedience to Jesus always wins out by a long shot. I get so much more out of this, there is no question. He is better than a steady job, He is better than a comfortable life, He is better than the “easy life”, He’s better than a year where I am in charge, he is better than my rights, he is better than my pride, he is better than stability. He is better than life. He is better.

 

So El Salvador here I come. World Race here I come, I don’t know what I’m doing, but we’ll figure it out along the way. Here we go!