What’s the first thing you do when everything you know is thrown into the air and you have to start from scratch without any idea where you’re headed? Yeah I already did that. Now I’m writing a blog. It’s been a weird day. Here’s how it ended…
I live in this great comfy house with 2 roommates, I have a job that pays well and love the people I work with, I just bought a car and I’m finally getting settled back into community at my church. But I’m a racer.
Today my car lights wouldn’t work. It started to rain (I washed my new car TODAY). AND my roommates told me they don’t think this is a good fit. So I’m moving out. When? Where? Moving on to…what?
I have no idea.
And yet, peace. So much peace that I know this is a moment completely marked by God’s presence and planning. Yet I have NO IDEA what’s next. I spent the past two months basically trying to recreate the life I had before the race-only slightly better? I thought it was okay. Maybe right. Maybe what I needed to rest. I don’t know… But now, I have this feeling not unlike that first chill breeze at the end of summer signaling a new season is coming.
I remember telling God the last time I wrote a blog: I’m ready. Be careful what you pray for.
The sermon this week at church talked about having a choice. Freedom. I really sat on that one. I have a choice…so what do I choose? I almost dislike total freedom as much as total loss of control because I have a fear of getting it wrong. But every gift from God is good.
All I know, is that in the few short weeks I’ve just begun to experience a 22 year-old’s equivalent of the American dream it’s not enough, and it never will be. All I can think about are the people in my life I care about. I miss my close friends who are living in other states and countries. I don’t need to be a Christopher McCandles to figure out that happiness is nothing if not shared (from Into The Wild).
So again, now what?
I see pieces of futures flash through my head like snow in a flurry. I’ve been thinking of joining the military. Pondering moving to the West coast to be with my love- the ocean. I even spend moments wondering about the life I could have if I packed up and joined everyone at AIM in Georgia. Do I finish the books I’m writing? Go back to school? Keep my job? Stay local? Get a completely new life?
BOOM
Something new. That’s all I know. And the funny thing is, it feels great. I am a ship at dock ready to set sail with no directions or destination. So friends, God is my pilot then, will you be the wind in my sails and pray for something new and good for me?
All we have is today. Make it a good one.
Love and hugs and smiles to you all. And thanks for keeping up with my blog! 🙂
