This past weekend, to be frank, has be awful. You can ask all my teammates and without hesitation they will agree that I have been on edge and moody. Something has come to my mind and I haven’t been able to shake it. To be honest, I even shut myself down emotionally because it hurt so much to feel.
This past summer I began to read Follow Me by David Platt. In his book he shares “there is a huge difference from knowing about Jesus and living in Jesus.” Reading this sparkled something in me. For a majority of my life I had strived to know Jesus, so I read book after book spending countless hours listening to speakers tell me how I ought to act and strive to live a “perfect” life. Thinking in return, I was growing closer to the One I claim to follow. I soon became frustrated. For the more I tried the more I felt as though I failed. I grew tired of trying to obey what the God has called us to–perfect lives. I was exhausted and done.
For years I have struggled with what “Christianity” is suppose to look like. I read the bible and looked at the church and found myself lost in confusion. Doesn’t the bible tell us to live in community? To live as Christ, who is love? To live a life of freedom? And to enjoy the presence of God? When I look at the church I see a group of people living unhappy lives. I see people covering themselves up with masks of lies so that they appear to be living sinless “biblical” lives of perfection. I see expensive lights and equipment replacing a place to enjoy the presence of the creator. I hear words from the bible that have been twisted so much so that it doesn’t make the people feel uncomfortable. Though it feels “nice” the end result is causing those who see us to repel the One we claim to love and live for– the One we claim to reflect! By diluting the truth of the bible we are replacing God for some god we have created, and his words for our words.
My life has not reflected God. My life has only shown how unloving God is and how frustrating and draining it is to follow the Bible. This realization has brought a deep brokenness inside of me. Not because I feel as though I will never live as Christ calls, rather I see how easily it is to fall into the misconception of Christianity. The Christianity I promised myself I would never fall into… For Christianity no longer resembles the life filled with supernatural love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. It no longer is a life of freedom, as God intended it to be. It is now just a group of people who are hypocritical, tired, judgmental, burdened, unloving and lost claiming to follow Jesus Christ. And that is exactly what I fell into. A life of hopelessness.
“God does not call us to live a clean-up version of your life, he wants you to live His life.” The moment we realize the truth behind those words is the moment we understand the freedom that Jesus claims in His word.
I challenge you to go read the bible for yourself and what it TRULY means to be a follower of Jesus Christ. I challenge you to live in the freedom of “perfection.” and walk in the way of the God of the Bible.
And for those of you who do not believe in Christ because of past hurt due to the church or people who claim to be Christians. I ask you for a second chance. I ask you for forgiveness. Please know that Christians are human. We will mess up, we will cause pain and we will disappoint. Know that Jesus Christ does not when you are walking with Him. He is a God of love. He is a God who saves. And He is a God who cares…
“Rather than being overwhelmed by trying to be the people He (Jesus) wants us to be, let’s focus on what God wants us to do”
Francis Chan, Forgotten God
