I’ve been feeling for a while that I need to write this, maybe it is perfect timing with the light of American Soil growing so incredibly bright. That in a mere 38 days I will get to Hug family and catch up with them for real. That yes I have been traveling the world for the past 10 months, living in 24/7 community with no way to escape, learning to point a lot, to talk with simple words, loving others, sharing Gods word, and serving. That from team times to daily prayer and bible studies to learning to love when your just gonna say goodbye again. But what you need to know is that I am not perfect.
There are plenty of days where I still mess up. Days where I should’ve shared things God laid on my heart or times when I have been angry over feedback or things God is using to call me higher. Days where I am sick of community. The truth somewhere in there the race just turned into “normal life” I know that might be hard to believe but instead of a 9-5 job each day I’m serving, generally in a different way, my bosses are working in churches or towns. Sometimes it looks like kids clubs, teaching English, building a wall, digging a hole. Honestly not the most mind blowing things in the world.
We gain friendships then pick up and leave again. Through each ending is a new beginning, and endings sometimes bring joy but often also bring pain. Pain from picking up and leaving again. To learn of Gods Love and about his comfort. Learning the ever tough lesson that this life was never meant to be easy.
Jesus himself says in John 16:33
” Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”
I mean Jesus himself, was tempted and tried in the desert for 40 days by the devil himself. He was betrayed by someone who was devoutly following him, he was beaten then hung on a cross as he was taunted and made fun of by the crowd.
He had friends turn his back on him, people who claimed to love him made fun of him in the streets as he struggled to walk.
Does it sound familiar? It should. Instead of walking through the hallways of his highschool he walked through the streets of Jerusalem In the last moments of his life as he is nailed to a cross he asks God In Luke 23:34
To Forgive them, for they know not what they do.
Jesus went through a lot of crap when he had nothing to deserve it. He still endured it and walked through it hour by minute to seconds of the days he was on earth.
I cannot count the times I have stood in front of people this year praying for God to fill me with his words and what the people need to hear and I have felt like my brain was empty and no words were flowing through. Times where I have been laughed at, been harassed by men in a foreign language. Where I don’t want to go to ministry, days where I was tired of attempting to teach the kids I was entrusted to teach. There are days where I just wanna tell off the people looking at me or yell at teammates. Been harassed by Romanian teenager who tries to take our things and not let us pass, had our windows banged on by middle aged men, been woken up to dogs fighting in the middle of the street. Plenty of sleepless nights and too many days of being watched.
Its learning to see God through the trails. To trace out his presence and realize he can still use it for his good. That even following in obedience does not automatically mean that life will be easy or we wont be tempted by our flesh. There are days I am over it or just choose what’s easy. Lets face it I am not perfect, we were never made to be perfect. Even christian community can be difficult and people complain. But if you choose to see the beauty in it and through it. If you choose to see Gods hand and how he can use it. Then you begin to choose in to something so much bigger than yourself.
As humans we have faults, we mess up, hurt one another. The fact is sometimes we are too much for one another. But its also true that we are never to much for our father. So even if you get nothing else from my blogs, take this. I am not perfect, God did not call me to go to 11 countries in 11 months because I was perfect, but instead because I am imperfect. Even as a Christian missionary I go through daily struggles. I struggle letting God have control, with confidence in myself. I buy into the lies and temptations that I messed up to big, or that I haven’t performed enough. Lies that the person next to me suddenly hates me or that no one wants to hear what I have to say.
But the beautiful part is that all that messy stuff, that is what God loves to use. He loves to use that because our lives are messy. The people we interact with have struggles and burdens. They have lies they believe about themselves and God uses your struggles and burdens to reach them. The story you carry is worth more than diamonds and pearls to him, because among the mess is him walking through it with you, is him providing, comforting, loving, guiding and blessing you through it, and that is what he uses to speak to his children. Through your willingness to speak up and out, to encourage. You are part of something bigger you were made to make an impact, to change and declare truths out of those around you.
Are you willing to step into the role God has called you?
