“Are you sure you want to go through with this?”
Yes, I am sure I want to go through with this. But I am not going through with it, I am doing it. I continue to become more and more sure that this is what I am being called to do. I have spent the past 2 weeks letting that marinate. On Wednesday October 8 I arrived just shy of a week early to the World Race training camp for the pre-training camp women’s retreat, Beauty for Ashes. Beauty for Ashes was offered to the women of each squad to attend before training camp to break down walls that might not automatically come down when tossed into a group of 55 people that you have only met through Facebook. As women, we focused on our testimonies and opening up about things in our lives that have hurt us and that we have shoved under the rug or things that have hurt us that we are ashamed of. It really gave us an opportunity to pour out our hearts and souls and express true emotions. We were raw and were able to become unashamed. We talked about how, as women, we are known to be weak, emotional, crazy, hot and cold and more. However, we also talked about how those things are all okay because emotions are linked to events in our lives and being able to break down our walls makes us way stronger.
In the midst of all of this, I went without a shower for 3 days ( I had the option to take an ice cold bucket shower outside but opted out) and did not look in the mirror for 3 days. I have to tell you, it was one of the best experiences. I left feeling empowered and more beautiful than I had ever felt. I was dirty and without makeup. I felt like a woman, a true woman of God.
“She is clothed in strength and dignity…”
I then had about 4 hours to go home and get a shower and get ready for the next week of training which is known as TRAINING CAMP! This is the long awaited event that after months of fundraising, meeting deadlines, and trying to make friendships happen via Facebook, happens. It is a full week full of simulations, sessions on spiritual life skills and squad/team building. This was a week that I was stretched and pulled in directions I did not know my mind or body could go. I am going to refrain from revealing the simulations because if someone who will be part of the next training camp is reading this, it will no longer be a surprise. We are expected to not expect and to be unprepared because that is how we learn.
I seriously could not have asked for a better squad (THIRD GENERATION P- SQUAD- orange team in above picture). Even though we only knew the Facebook side of each other, we clicked so well and it was like we had already known each other. I was also incredibly blessed with, drum roll please…. TEAM DUNAMIS. This is the team of 7 people (William, Jason, Sally, Christina, Amber, Brandon and myself) that I will be traveling and doing ministry with for 11 months starting in January. Again, I couldn’t have picked it better myself, the Lord really hooked us up! Now, I am sure you are wondering what Dunamis means. It means: power, might, and strength and that is, as a team, we decided to strive for. Inevitably, this is going to be a tough year and we are going to need the power, might and strength of ourselves but, more importantly, the Lord.
Over the past 2 weeks I really learned about my identity and how it is not defined by how I dress, how I smell, how much makeup I have on, or the clothes that I wear. I know all of this because I was accepted over the past 2 weeks even though I may have been “stanky”, dirty (covered in GA red clay), wet, without makeup, and incredibly mismatched in my clothing selection (Chacos and socks are the new boots and socks). I was able to feel like me even though I hadn’t looked in the mirror in days or showered. There was nothing to compare myself to and the Lord really made that clear. We are all dirty and smelly and mismatched but He still loves us and I learned the valuable lesson of not only loving myself that way but loving others that way.
So, cheers to a new season, P-Squad, team Dunamis, and to all my supporters and prayer warriors!
