Here I am, sitting, alone. Technically I am not alone, I am in a coffee shop with someone playing the piano and another singing (beautifully if I may add!), two people that must be on a first date based on conversation, a group of three women having a bible study/talking about life, the employees, and Shane & Shane in my ears. I was just thinking about how I needed to create another blog post and I was not sure what in the world I was going to write about. However, it just hit me like a ton of bricks in this moment that I am feeling lonely and I have been here before so I am going to tell you about it.
For the past couple of weeks I have been hurting a little bit. I have felt very alone. I am learning to enjoy it and find myself preferring it more and more but it doesn’t excuse that feeling and situations that have led me to this place. Being recently accepted to go on the World Race I realized some things in my life needed to change and I really needed to prepare. However, I did not expect to feel so alone and kind of hurt(how I felt in the beginning). As I sit here with the feeling that tears are going to start dripping down my face I realize I am not alone, I really am not.
These past couple of months there have been some events in life that have led me to this place, situations with friends, family, work etc. The biggest impact is the community I surround myself with, the people that I feel I can trust the most. I have spent a few years building those relationships and think that everything is all good. Well, there is now an uneasy feeling and an unsure feeling of where it all stands. Well, I know it wasn’t me but maybe my lack of communication but I cannot help but feel hurt. It is that “I thought things were different” feeling. I have cried many tears and have been angry and pissed off over the past few weeks but because of being left alone I have come to realize it is okay. People come in and out of our lives for a reason and I have learned this lesson before. It is a matter of being content and at peace with the situation always.
” You can make many plans but the Lord’s purpose with prevail” Proverbs 19:21
I am not alone, you are not alone. We are in the presence of the Lord, ALWAYS. The Lord is what fills me day in and day out and if the community around me is not influencing me in that than maybe I am to be alone and enjoy it. I now enjoy sitting here…alone but not alone. Life is sweet and such a privilege and I will embrace every moment, with or without the presence of others.
I am seeking the contentment in that and have faith that if the relationships that have faded to black and white come back in color it will be sweet and the expectations will no longer be what defines anything.
Please continue to pray for me and this journey and what lies ahead. I am also getting closer to reaching funding goal little my little. If you feel led to give please follow the “SUPPORT ME” tab on the left hand side.
