You know those events in your life that you suppress without even knowing you’ve suppressed them? Those moments that you lock up your memories and only pull them out if you’re forced to. The ones that if you’re forced to discuss, you speak about only the surface of the memory but not the real hard moments?
This is that blog for me. This is really hard for me write, mostly because I have locked up these memories. I’ll talk about this night lightly but the truth is…this is not a light situation. The truth is, as much as this night traumatized me, God’s hands were all over it. God protected me from 3 men with guns outside my apartment. He chose me to be the person he used to hold a man while he passed away. That’s a story to tell, not a story to hide because of my pain.
If I was traumatized, how could God’s hands have been in the situation? I’ll show you. I want you to pay attention, not only to the story but how listening to Holy Spirit can save your life.
Just four years ago, I was in my pajamas inside my apartment, making my meals for the week. I had lived in this apartment for 3 years already and I loved it.
As I’m cooking, I felt the Holy Spirit tell me to put clothes on and charge my (almost dead) cell phone. This was weird, I’m already in for the night, I don’t NEED to put my clothes on or charge my phone. I did it anyway. I got completely dressed; I put socks on, shoes on and charged my cell phone.
About twenty minutes later, God told me to put my now charged phone in my back pocket. Well, now…God is just being weird. Now it’s later in the night and I’m fully dressed with my phone in my pocket. So, I figured since I was dressed (for who knows what reason), that I would walk my dog & get something out of my car.
Well now the Holy Spirit is just really making no sense, because when I began to get my dog; the Holy Spirit told me “no.” You can understand my confusion at this point. But I just continued with my night of meal prep (which, let’s all take a moment because I was cooking).
As I’m in my kitchen, I begin to hear some scuffling outside my door. No big deal, I kept cooking. Minutes later, I heard one loud bang and more scuffling. Being the curious girl that I am (children don’t try this at home), I wanted to see what was going on. As I opened my front door, I heard two more loud bangs and saw a flash.
Again, being the curious person that I am, I walked towards the flash…(also not the best idea). When I turned my head to the left, I saw a man lying on the ground. You know that whole, fight or flight thing? Yeah; apparently I run TOWARDS what’s going on. I pulled my phone from my pocket (can we get a praise God?) as I ran down to the man.
I’ll never forget the look on his face, the look in his eyes when he saw me. He couldn’t move his body; all he could manage was moving his eyes. They darted back and forth across me while I was on the phone with the operator. At this point, everything was moving so fast I didn’t know what had happened. Honestly, I thought the man had just fallen. I sat beside him, talking to him, letting him know that I was there beside him & he wasn’t alone.
Then for a moment, it felt like time completely stood still when I noticed his chest. His chest that had bullet shots in it, intended and straight into his heart. I looked up at him, finally understanding what was about to happen. I put my hands under his head, with the phone still in my ear. I looked down at the gunshot wounds for a split second, and felt his entire body go limp.
I knew at that moment, his soul was gone. I looked up at his face, this now lifeless man that I didn’t know lying there. The cops pulled up at that moment, all million of them and surrounded the area. Soon, that quiet moment turned into a scene. No one was allowed to come be with me & I was not allowed to leave. I didn’t know who this man was; I had ever seen him before. I had no information for the cops, just that he was alive and now he wasn’t.
Questions after questions, dogs roaming the apartment complex; cops standing guard at our doors all night long, that was my night. I remember being inside my apartment, pacing my used to be calm home. My body was uncontrollably shaking as the realization of what was going on around me started to click.
You see, there were 3 men with guns outside my door that night. Before these men were that close, they were hiding behind my car picking who to attack. These 3 men were going from home to home, getting rid of the men and raping the women for hours. The man I held saved his girlfriend from that torture. He was a hero; she had time to run away while they shot him.
Let’s go back to the beginning of the night, where the Holy Spirit was quietly speaking to me. Think about this for a minute and let it sink in, I was going out to my car. I would have walked right up to those 3 men with guns. How about that I was about to walk my dog? I would have been a sitting duck for those guys.
When the Holy Spirit speaks to you, it does not always make sense. It might seem crazy; you might even think it’s your own thinking. This is why it’s so important to have discernment of the Holy Spirit. This is why you don’t fill your head with junk from the world, but continually being filled with worship & teaching.
If a stranger calls your name, you don’t know who they are. Why would you expect the same of the Holy Spirit? You must spend time with our father & learn His voice.
Spend time with God everyday; lock yourself in your rooms in the mornings and listen. You learn and become sensitive to the Holy Spirit because you are spending time with him daily. You will know His voice; you will know when He speaks to you.
Discernment is key to walking in a mature relationship with the Lord. It’s key to hearing the voice of the Holy Spirit and following his promptings. You need this, I need this…we all should be seeking a deeper level of discernment.
