This is Istanbul, Turkey.
Coming into the Middle East, we had quite a bit of training. Our main contact set aside two days of his busy schedule to give us as much info as possible about the people and the culture before we jumped into ministry. As a woman entering an area where men dominate just about everything, for us girls this information was extremely useful. I think for me, the easiest way to sum everythiing up is just to say:
Southern hospitality is a thing of the past.
As women we are already expected to act a certain way here. But as American women, we have to go to a whole new extreme. Why? To put it bluntly, Turkish men think American girls are just looking for someone to sleep with.
This mentality alone makes me extremely uncomfortable. Me? Miss Just-had-my-hand-held-for-the-first-time-as-a-senior-in-college, being viewed as a girl who wants to get up close and personal with every man on the street by every man on the street? Not exactly a comforting thought. It makes me question just about everything I do these days.
Not only that, but things that I consider a sign of respect are no longer that; they’re considered suggestive. Walk down the street and make eye contact with a man? He’s going to take that a heck of alot differently than you probably anticipated. Smile at him? Well, you probably don’t want to know where his mind is at after that. Talk to him? Forget about it.
I just graduated from a school where everyone greeted everyone else on campus with a great big “Howdy!” usually accompanied by a smile. I’ve grown up in the South where not looking someone in the eye is considered disrespectful and rude. And completely ignoring someone is just not tolerated.
So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets. Matthew 7:12
One of the reason’s I struggle with it is because I feel like we basically have to be rude. For example, we’ve heard of so many problems with guys on public transportation. So what are we advised to do when a guy tries to start a conversation with us? Short, one word answers. Or just completely ignore him. I know that it’s the culture we’re adapting to and I’m not saying that the way they interact with one another, or even with us, is wrong. It’s just different. And takes a lot more getting use to than I expected.
And it’s not just us Southern Belles that are adjusting somewhat slowly. You can’t read the Bible and not come across a verse about loving your brothers. So how do how do you love your brothers, or in this case just your sisters, without some of the most basic little ways you know how to?
And then there’s the feelings that accompany this way of acting. The way my heart drops when I have to avoid someone’s gaze. The awkwardness that comes from making eye contact with any guy that passes by and the feeling of shame if he smiles at you. The feeling of worthlessness and degradation at having to look at the ground half the time. We’ve only been here for a few weeks and it’s taken its toll on us. The thought of living every day here, for your entire life…I can’t even imagine the kind of effect that has on a women.
The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17
For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” Romans 8:15
Then there’s another question that’s really been bugging me:
How can I be a light if I completely adapt to the darkness?
How much am I supposed to “blend in” with the other women? And how far do I push the limits and stand out against the Muslim crowd? Turkey is the darkest place on the planet. 99.9% Muslim and the least evangelized country, even one little light can make a huge difference. But that light is a lot more noticeable when it’s shining in the pitch black night. Our ministry this month has given us a lot of time to step and just try to talk to people. It’s required us to be in almost constant communication with complete strangers. We constantly pray that they see “something different” in us and have the boldness to ask us what it is. I think that’s something just about everyone on the mission field prays for. To be different. But here, it’s a vicious cycle for women. If you stand out and be different, in order to reflect the love of Christ, chances are, as a woman, you’ll be seen as loose and ready for the wrong kind of action. So what do we do here to show the love of Christ to everyone we meet?
For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light. Ephesians 5:8
…let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven. Matthew 5:16
So for now, women minister to women and men to men. Which is totally ok and how it should be most of the time. But having to be mean in order to reflect Christ does NOT work for me. It doesn’t click in my heart as the right way to treat sons of God. I don’t know when balance will come, if it ever does. Needless to say, I’m definitely learning a whole new way of making myself nothing…
In your relationships with one another, have the same attitude of mind Christ Jesus had:
Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God
something to be used to his own advantage;
rather, he made himself nothing
by taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a human being,
he humbled himself
by becoming obedient to death-
even death on a cross!
Philippians 2:5-8
Side note: In the midst of all this, the Turkish (Greek and Bulgarian too) have definitely given the South a run for it’s money in terms of generosity. There have been countless instances of people going out of their way to give us directions or invite us into their homes. And Istanbul is probably one of the most beautiful cities on the world. The architecture, the history, and the history are absolutely breathtaking!
