Over the past weeks I have sat down with my journal, mind open and pen in hand trying- as impossible as it seems- to process and put in words all that this experience has been. I have been trying to understand how the 19 year-old girl that stepped on a plane almost nine months ago is a completely different women in all-complete with a tattoo (#rebel). How in the world did this much change happen in 9 months when my favorite food hasn’t changed in a total of 12 years? The way I handle situations has changed, my self-awareness is at a level I didn’t even know existed, I have dreams I didn’t know were possible and the biggest and best yet- God has been taken out of the box I brought Him on the journey in. And that box has been smashed time and time again.
I haven’t been able to find words. I haven’t even been able to pin point when exactly the change began. But it keeps coming back to one Michelangelo quote that I heard a couple weeks ago at the Awakening when he was asked about how he carved the David.
“It is easy. You just chip away the stone that doesn’t look like David.”
Ha. “It is easy”- says one of the most talented artists to have ever lived. But when I thought about it more, it started to show me how this journey took me and shaped me into a closer version of who the Lord created me to be. These 9 months changed me because I gave my full self to the Father. I surrendered myself, all that I am (sometimes kicking and screaming while doing it) and allowed Him to chip away at what wasn’t supposed to be there.
I came on the Race with pieces of myself that were never supposed to be there:
Pride
Greed
Selfish-Ambition
Short-temper
Addiction
Image-centered
Judgemental
Addiction
Shame
(Just to name a few)
But I came willing and I came ready. Most importantly, I came ready to die. A verse that has been so key in this season of my life is Galatians 2:20, “I have been crucified with Christ and I longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”
When I look back on who I was at the beginning of this journey, heck when I look back at who I was a month ago, I see things that are of the world. I see sin and I see hurt. I see things that don’t belong and they take away from who I truly was created to be in Christ. These things of the world that take over and drive our lives weren’t ever meant to be here. Christ offers so much more in Him. He offers love. Freedom. Joy. Eternal Life. Christ lives in us-not the world.
I don’t think I will ever be able to summarize this year in a way that will do the Lord justice for all He’s done. Words will never be able to fully explain the change that happened in my heart. But I know that this isn’t temporary, it isn’t a high. I let Him have full control of His art work and Christ has simply chipped away the stone that didn’t look like the Lauren He created.
Hand over the chisel, step up on the stool and let the Ultimate Artist have full control. Because we can only see the ugly block that the rest of the world see, but to Him- “It is easy.”
P.S. if you were wondering…. my favorite food is corndogs. Sonic- I’ll see you soon.
