So yea. No planned words for this one, just pouring out what
is consuming my heart.
I am in the newest and most undeniable place of brokenness I
have ever experienced. It’s a place I always ask God to take me to because I
know through it He will break away the things which separate me from His
purpose. I know that in theory, it is the place where He can draw us the
closest to Him as we are forced to cling to Him, seeking the only thing in our
desperation we can depend on. But in the midst of it, in the actualization of
this season, I am struggling.
I sit here, frustrated at the barrenness that defines me, and
yet I am sure that in this emptiness God can fill me anew, restore me
completely, and take me to depths I have never dreamt of. I am learning even
more, to trust God to no end, even when I have no trust or confidence in
myself.
So why, Lord, do you require me to be broken? I know why it
is supposed to be, I understand the process, but now, here, in this, WHY do
You have ME here?
Because this brokenness reminds me of my humanity, it makes
me reevaluate my flesh. Because in it I am forced to rely on You, and You
alone.
I have no strength,
but I know that in You there is infinite strength. So thank you for making me aware
of the ways I deny Your security and try to be my own.
I have no joy, so thank You for showing me how much I look
to myself, my pride, and my abilities to find joy for the day. Thank You for
making me rest in who You are to find my joy and stability, looking first to You
entirely to be able to move forward in the day.
I have no confidence, so thank You for asking me to
surrender my gifts, abilities, and purpose. By letting them go, I am able to
see the ways that I took that which undeniably came from You and tried to make
them my own.
I don’t know who I am, so thank You that in surrendering the
identity I was clinging to as I tried to create it, I am forced to look to You,
once again, to find me, and who You have created me to be.
I feel so alone, so thank You for showing me the confines I
have placed You in, and forcing me to find You beyond where I have trained
myself to see.
Thank You, Lord, for this uncharted territory where I have
You alone as my guide.
Thank You, Lord, for making me a woman of my word, a woman
of YOUR word.
Thank You.
Break me Lord, of my flesh. Break me of me, and leave me
with nothing but You IN me.
Infancy
Once I was a child
And then I got even younger
Stripped of all my pride
Awe and wonder replacing
All that I once thought I knew
Humbled to new depths
Rethinking my every conception of You
And me
And all that’s in between
The more I see
The less I know
The less of me
As I grow
Infantile courage
Without my own strength
Protect me Father
Shield me with Your love
This vulnerability is frightening
But it forces me to look beyond
My eyes and my hands
This world and me plans
And look straight to You
The ONLY one who
Can save me
