God has been telling me for some time now that He has big plans to break me down and create and grow me into someone new and more like Him. He’s given me glimpses of what I’ll be facing and who I will be when its over. I knew when the time came on the race for this process to start it wouldn’t be easy. What I didn’t know was that God didn’t plan on wasting any time.
My plan was that I would come on the race and have just an amazing few months then I would deal with the big stuff later. God’s plan was to dive right in on day one. And dive in we did. He started chipping away at small walls and defenses the first week, things I could push through fairly quickly. But when the second week started He went straight to my biggest and toughest wall.
It was and still is painful. I have some major things to surrender that I’m terrified to let go of and I need to give forgiveness for some of my biggest wounds. When I looked at all of this I had no idea where to even begin. But then God gave me the answer. “Fall in love with me” He said. I love the idea of this. The thought of being in love with God is amazing. But to be perfectly honest, I have absolutely no idea how to do that. I have no clue where to even begin.
I’m a proactive person. Once I find a problem I like to fix it and get it done and move on. So not knowing how to start is frustrating to me. I’ve spent all week praying about it and God gave me His final answer. “I’ll guide you through this. But for now, wait.” Wait?! He wants me to wait?! Yes. He wants me to wait in my brokenness for a little while. Why? Because in this brokenness is where healing happens, its where my faith is made strong, its where I learn to fully rely on and trust God with everything, its where He’ll prove to me how faithful He is so that I’m not afraid to be vulnerable and love Him.
I don’t know my next step. I don’t know how long I’ll have to be broken before my heart can start to be put back together. But I do know that God has given me so much joy and strength even in my brokenness. I know that I am exactly where I’m supposed to be. And I know that God is so faithful and that He will bring me through this.
Psalm 37:7 “Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him to act.
Psalm 145:13 “…The Lord is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made.”
Acts 2:28 “You have made known to me the paths of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence.”
Psalm 32:10 “…the Lord’s unfailing love surrounds the one who trusts in him.”
