The other Sunday at church a new worship song was played. Its called “Call Upon The Name” and this is how the chorus goes:
“My God has come to save
Your power has no end
You are my shield and strength
You show me who I am
My God has come to stay
Your love will never end
You’ve overcome the grave
You are the Great I am”
The past 6-8 months have felt like a complete mess to me. The plans I had for my life were completely destroyed and changed. I was more hurt and confused than I’ve ever been before. And I put up walls between me and everyone in my life. Including God.
Although the destroying of my plans led to God’s plan of the World Race, which has brought me such joy, I have felt a lot of fear and doubt about everything else. I’ve had so many questions about my life and where its going. Questions about the lose ends left in my old plan (Will they ever be tied off?). And fears and doubts about smaller choices I’ve had to make. Are they right? Are they wrong? Does right or wrong even exist in these choices?
Two things have been happening in me during all of this and I didn’t realize it until about a month ago. I lost faith. I lost faith in my God and his plan for me and I lost faith in myself. I used to be extremely confident in both. I used to not only trust God with what was happening in my life and with big decisions but I also trusted my judgement. I was confident in the voice I heard guiding me and confident that it was right. I haven’t felt confident in my decisions in awhile. Longer then I would like to be true.
“My God has come to stay. Your love will never end”
In many ways I feel like I’ve been taken back to square one in my relationship with God. I’ve had to re-learn how to trust him and to have faith in His plan. I’ve had to re-learn my identity in Him. I think thats partly why this song struck my heart so hard. It was a great reminder of His faithfulness. Even though I put a wall up between us and pushed him away, he never left. God stayed right there next to me patiently waiting for me for to run back to Him. He has held my hand every step of the way. Through every fear, doubt, and question I have, he has been there. Patiently and gently guiding me back to him. I have been truly blessed by His faithfulness and unconditional love for me.
“You show me who I am”
I have forgotten. These last few months have been a journey of getting back to who I am. The real me. This line reminded me that the answer is in my Savior. I am the beloved daughter of God. I am fearfully and wonderfully made in His image. I am passionate about the nations and bringing them God’s hope and love. I am strong through Him. I am a conqueror through him. I am confident in Him and in who He has created me to be.
Although I do not feel fully like myself yet, I am getting there. God is revealing to me day by day how this journey is growing me and shaping me into who I am supposed to be. Even though it feels like a giant question mark right now, I truly cannot wait to see how He works in me and through me. I know it’ll be amazing, as only God can do.
