I’m frustrated. I like structure. I like having plans of what ministry we are going to do each day with a time set. I find it difficult to have self-discipline. I have gotten used to being in settings with planned ministry for the day. Wake up at this time; do quiet time, worship, class, ministry, work duty etc. I am struggling with the idea that we can choose to do what we want. If I want to wake up and have time with Jesus than I can. If I want to go play with the kids in the community or spend time with our contacts I can. Nothing is forced. No one is told they have to do this at this time or that at that time.
Why am I so frustrated at this? Why can’t I have self-discipline? Why can’t I just be happy that I want to do something and invite others into it with me? Why do I feel I need to be forced so that I do things?
I want structure. I want a schedule. I want us all to want the same.
I need to stop expecting others to think like me. I need to stop assuming others won’t want to participate before I even bring it up. I need to step up and lead in the things that I am passionate about. I need to stop expecting the leaders to tell me what to do but to just do. I can plan something and mention it to others so they can join if they want to. I need to not be hurt or upset if others have other things they wish to do instead. I need to stop thinking I know what others intentions are by the things they do or not do.
We all think differently. We all have different goals for the race. We all have different things we need to work on. We all have different purposes for each day whether it is working with the children, spending personal time with God, serving others by cooking or planning things or simply having a day of rest. Just because someone is not doing what I expect or what I want to do does not mean its being done out of laziness.
This is something that I have been dealing with and it is more of a personal issue with me. I have a hard time making myself get up and do things with energy without a schedule. I find it difficult to feel like I have accomplished something without a plan of action for the day. I am growing for sure and I expect myself to get better in this area. I expect myself to see things differently and to see things the way Jesus does, with love and patience and without judgment.
