" Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make straight your paths" Proverbs 3: 5-6
Trust. I do not know about you but that word terrifies me. We live in a world where trust is a dangerous thing. In New Orleans, where I live, everyone says do not trust anyone or anything. We have all had those times where we trusted some one and they decieved us and took advantage of our trust. Trust is not a natural thing anymore. It is hard.
The part of this verse that gets me is " with all your heart". For me it is so easy to trust God in the easy things, the small insignicant things, but when it comes to big things that is when things get messy and rough! That is when my mind goes on overdrive to all the bad things that could happen if God does not come through. Though he always does, sometimes not in the way I want though. Next comes the whole do not lean on your understanding thing. I am a "fixer". I am not someone who just waits around. I want to get it done and move on to the next thing. Most times God is just waiting for me to stop trying to fix my circumstances and let him take over. When I try to fix it, it normally becomes much worse than if I had just waited on God's will for it. These verses are just always such a conviction point for me.
My biggest trust moment was (and still is) the race as a whole. I have moved to different cities before without my family but there has always been people I already know. In the race, I know 1 person. (hi ali!) It is like being in high school all over again! All of those dumb insecurities come back. What if I dont fit in with everyone else? What if everyone hates me? What if I have no friends? I know those are silly, immature thoughts but they are still there. The enemy knows right what to say to fuel those old insecurities! I really hate him! I take a deep breath remind myself that I am being ridiculous and know at least someone will be friend. haha. Next comes the hardest part of this process. The money. $15,500 is a butt load of money. It is such a large sum of money that it scares the fire out of me! I was talking to a girl from my team Katie yesterday and she reminded me of how big my God is. ( thanks Katie) That tore me up! How silly of me to focus so much on the size of the money that i forget who called me to the trip and who I serve!! I serve a God where 15,500 dollars is not a big deal! I know he told me to go on this trip therefore he will provide for me! Whenever I have a weak moment, I remind myself 1. I trust God with all my heart and 2. I serve a big God who has this whole thing taken care of!!
Finally, please keep praying for my hometown Birmingham, Al. There are so many people hurting and homeless right now due to the tornados last week! There is just so much damage that it is overwhelming! Pray for peace for these peoples lives who lost everything and for the resources to find another place to live. I love you all. God bless.
Lauren
