August, 2016. I sat in a room with 300+ believers who were about to board a plane with the sole purpose of sharing the gospel. Those moments, the ones with so many people and so many hearts declaring the same desire, are my favorites of the race. We learned together, worshipped together, and without having to talk to every person in the room, there was a real bond that formed between the launching squads.
Our speaker at training camp and launch was none other than a man named Bill Swan. If you are even a little familiar with the Adventures in Missions world, you know who this guy is. He speaks with eloquence and wisdom, and he is ON FIRE for seeing the next generation of racers step boldly into the good things awaiting them on the mission field.
The time spent in sessions with him were chock-full of pieces of advice, do’s and don’t’s, but most importantly, how to seek the Lord in all things, not just when ministry is rockin’ and your team is perfect and you’re in a season of ultra closeness with the Lord, because more often than not, that’s not be how it is.
A lot of things stuck out to me in those few days, obviously, but none of them more impactful than one particular phrase Bill said; one that has stayed with me throughout the duration of my race, coming to the forefront of my mind when I seem to need it most.
“What we focus on, grows.”
It’s as simple as that, really. Think about it.
Focus on schoolwork, your grade improves.
Focus on health, you make better meal choices.
Focus on blessings, you see them all the more.
Unfortunately, it works on the opposite spectrum, too.
Focus on boys/girls, your love life becomes complicated.
Focus on body image, it becomes depressing.
Focus on the negative, you’ll only see the negative.
I’ve had to remind myself of the reality of this phrase time and time again. What I’ve found is that when I sit in solitude and fix my thoughts of the things of this world (death, illness, poverty, homesickness, etc.), the last thing I feel is fulfilled. I have an ache in my heart that grows and grows and grows the longer I’m thinking about things I cannot change.
When my focus is on the Lord, though, everything changes.
He fills my cup until I’m overflowing. I find a joy in Him that my world cannot supply. When I choose to fix my thoughts on things that are “true, and right, and honorable, and pure, and lovely, and admirable” (Philippians 4:8), I start to recognize the goodness of the Lord in my life, even when things are messy.
I’m gearing up to end my race. The calendar tells me I have 34 days until I board the plane for America, and 36 days until I’m in the loving embrace of my friends and family in New Braunfels. Plans are ensuing, plane tickets purchased, and every day the reality of my limited time in South Africa stares me in the face a little bit more.
It’s easy, especially as the days are winding down, to focus on what awaits me at “home”. I daydream about running down the stairs at the airport to my beautiful parents, and I make lists of all the yummy food I want to eat within the first two weeks of being reunited with my favorite restaurants. If I’m not careful, I can very easily start to live in a world that is thousands of miles and 36 days away from me instead of living in the moment.
I can live in this wonderful journey, and not really live in it at all.
However, on the days where I focus on the “now” and what Jesus has for me moment by moment, this life becomes all the more sweet and satisfying. The smiles on the kid’s faces when I walk into school are ones I return with equal excitement. Their hugs, though abundant, make the long days grading papers and explaining how to sound out words so incredibly worth it. When I go to evangelism and I take each moment captive, talking to people and sharing the love of Jesus with them becomes slightly less daunting. Conversations flourish and relationships are able to be formed.
34 days. It doesn’t seem like a lot. In fact, after almost 8 months on the field, I know it’s not a lot. However, it’s still something.
It’s 34 days to share Jesus with someone who may not have heard of Him before.
It’s 34 days to pour into our host family with all the love we have.
It’s 34 days to have no other task than to know the Lord and make Him known.
Last year I worked for an organization called Kid’s Club, where we helped with homework, taught chapel and fed the kids that came through our doors. Part of my job required me to attend biweekly meetings, where we would discuss the kids and how we could better assist them. We also had to come to the meetings having read a chapter of a book called, “Developing the Leader Within You.” In this book, I found a quote that deeply resonated with me then, and does so even now, a year later. It states,
“I am only one,
but I am still one.
I cannot do everything,
but still I can do something.
And because I cannot do everything,
I will not refuse to do the
something I can do.”
So, here’s to the next 34 days of the race, and to the rest of my life, focusing on the something I can do and the something I am called to do, and that is proclaim the goodness of the Lord. May the days not be something I count down, but something I make the very most out of.
Bill Swan said it. I said it. And I will say it again.
What we focus on, grows.
Let our focus be Jesus! And in the wise words of The Lorax movie (slightly modified)…
“We say let [Him] grow!”
***UPDATES!!
Tomorrow is the last day of school for us! The sessions here in South Africa go year round, with breaks throughout. They’re break is unfortunately the entire last month that we’re here, so our teaching careers are ending slightly earlier than we anticipated. We have loved getting to spend time with the kids and get to know them. I am NOT looking forward to the goodbyes I have to say tomorrow, and I anticipate that it’ll be an extremely tear-filled day. These little faces are ones I will greatly miss. We’ll start our new ministry of house visits and elderly ministry promptly after school lets out. Ready and expectant for that!!
My flight for America is set for May 1st! I will be landing in NYC on May 2nd and spending that day and the next in New York with one of my best friends from the race, Abigail. I am incredibly excited to spend that time with her and reacclimatize to American living. On the night of May 3rd, I fly into San Antonio and will officially be H O M E!! It’s a crazy feeling, but I am so excited!
Ending the race is filled with excitement, fear and sadness. Of course, I am more than ready to see friends and family! However, there is a fear in returning to “normal” because to me, it’s no longer all that normal. I’m used to sleeping in a bunk bed that isn’t mine and only having about 4 shirts to choose from. Uncomfortable is now comfortable. How crazy is that?
Oddly enough, I’m also scared about re-entering the lives of people back at home. By the time I get back, they will have figured out how to live life without me for 9 months. Now I’ll have to be added back into the mix. I’m sure that’ll be a strange adjustment on both sides. I haven’t been home obviously, so inside jokes and funny stories will be somewhat lost on me. Again, strange adjustment.
I’m not looking forward to the final goodbyes: with my amazing host family, my team and my squad. I cannot even begin to express the love I have for the disciples I have shared life with for the past year of my life. Being without them seems unimaginable. Just the other day we were hiking Cape Point and I thought to myself, “I’m not hiking with my ‘teammates’, I’m hiking with my friends.” Friends I am far from ready to say goodbye to, I might add.
This is good, though, believe it or not. If you had told me at the beginning of the race that I would be so sad to go home, I wouldn’t have believed you. I’m glad I would have been wrong. My heart is all over the world, and while it’s sad that I’ll never have my heart fully intact again, I have loved those I never would have gotten the chance to love otherwise. I am grateful.
So, as you can see, lots of emotions, but that is why we press in and press on, my friends. Life is always going to through curveballs and crazy emotions, but the Lord stays sovereign and He’s walking through the craziness right alongside us.
***Prayer requests
– As always, to finish the race with endurance and strength.
– For all the emotions my squad may be going through with reentry. Pray we fix our eyes on Him.
– My dad’s back has been hurting him for years, and lately it’s been especially difficult for him. Pray for peace, comfort, and HEALING!!
– To focus on the LORD!!!
