About a week ago, I was at a Unicorn Handler* party, where there was dinner, games, secret Santa, and laughter galore. We got to spend a night reminiscing the semester we got to spend together at every football game and create more memories at the same time.
We all sat around the table for dinner and started talking about the inevitable topic…our future. What college are you going to next year? What are you majoring in? Who are you rooming with?
I don’t really fit into that particular conversation, for obvious reasons. What college are you going to next year? Oh, I’m not… Then there comes that uncomfortable silence. All of the Unicorn Handlers know what I’m doing next year, so the question of college isn’t really a problem, but there’s that awkward transition of “Oh, and Lauren Emily…”
“Oh, and Lauren Emily…”
It’s like a category of its own. Which isn’t a bad thing whatsoever, but I can’t help but feel set apart, like I don’t fit the norm or the conversation. I feel like I’m missing out.
It causes me to question going. It makes me wonder why I can’t have those conversations and just fit in to the norm.
I could know what college I’m going to next year and already have a roommate and be planning out my major, etc. etc.
I could NOT be missing out on that.
BUT…
Then I think about what happened later in the night at the party. After losing to “what are the odds…you’d jump in the pool”, I lept off the waterfall into the freezing cold water below with 4 other girls who got to experience hypothermia just as much as me.
I think about hiking about mountains and getting lost in the detail of creation with my friends. In one instance, we were lost and finally found the trail after searching through a sketchy dirt road. But when we found the trail and made it to the top, I would get lost all over again just to experience that view. Another time was just this morning, when I woke up at an hour that didn’t seem right for a Saturday morning, and drove to Prayer Mountain to watch the sunrise. I would wake up at 5:30 again to witness that breathtaking sight in a heartbeat.
I think about star gazing on my friend’s patio and watching so many shooting stars go by, followed by going inside to sing and worship Jesus while eating Blue Bell ice cream that has graced us with its presence once more.
I think about late night google hangouts with my teammates for the WR. How we laugh hysterically at each other from hundreds of miles away and get to know each other a little more each day. Just today I shared my heart with them, and they were so loving and kind. And Ms. Olivia Wouters (teammate). Oh my goodness, her heart for Jesus shines…and she makes me laugh until I can’t breathe…she is such a breath of fresh air and a beacon of light on the roughest days.
I think about these things and cannot imagine missing out on them. Without leaps of faith, hikes up mountains, worship under the shooting stars, and google hangouts, I don’t think I’d be the same Lauren Emily. Which makes me wonder, if all of these experiences and memories have led me here, isn’t there a purpose? Isn’t there a reason that I love the outdoors, worshiping Jesus, and love my teammates whom I’ve yet to really meet?
I think there is. When God said that He knows the plans He has for us (Jer. 29:11), I don’t think He was bluffing.
I believe that this next year is what the Lord has planned for me, and He has guided me to that belief and conviction countless times. I may question it and wonder why I have to miss out on college-y things, but at the end of the day, I know His plan far outweighs any plan I have for myself.
I can miss out on those conversations for a little while.
What I can’t miss out on is what God has planned for me.
“Perhaps this is the moment for which you have been created.”
Esther 4:14
I refuse to miss out on that.
*Unicorn Handlers is a group of girls who make sure that Buford (our Unicorn mascot in statue form) gets slapped on the booty by the football players and coaches before each game for good luck. Just in case you were wondering.
