It’s tradition on the mission field of the World Race to write a monthly report summarizing what you are learning and where you are struggling. These reports consist of two sections accordingly named the celebrations and challenges. This month, I would like to share openly with you, knowing that it is sometimes helpful in the faith walk to see that we are not alone in our struggles, and can also be just as inspired through another’s celebrations.
Enjoy!
Celebrations:
This month there has been an immeasurable peace in accepting what is. Being present in the moment at hand, free from the physical form of things and knowing that the moment I am experiencing is exactly as it should be. When I nearly lost my finger in an accident at the beginning of the month, it occurred to me that it was not an incident that happened out of God’s will. So often I hear the phrase “but we prayed” and am drawn back to the reality that it is because we prayed that the situation is worked out for our good. That is the reason that despite what happened, I did not break any bones, still had my finger attached when the metal of my ring defied physics and bent only peeling my skin off. Later that day we were told our ministry would consist of manual labor. Without inner resistance, I was free to be present and accept that my ministry would be whatever it was, and I would find it out in due time. Even though I knew I wasn’t physically able to join the team with lifting and building I went to the site, where I greeted a hundred of smiling children along the way. By the time I walked up to the site, I realized that some of the children had left their homes and followed me there. That was my ministry. I spent the month teaching, and when I was able to physically join ministry again, the kids joined in on the physical labor. The phrase that I found myself saying most of the month is “it is what it is” and the time “off” ministry was filled with the fruit of accepting this. Not judging the moment or labeling it as ministry or time off proved to be both freeing and fruitful as I was able to tell a young neighbor about Jesus for the first time and witness her mind blown expression as her world changed in an instant, and later that day see her friends come and ask for Bibles.
Challenges:
A hopeful mourning. I found that it is not about a balance of mourning losses of the past and hoping with great expectation for the future. It is not about choosing either to hope or to mourn. It is instead about doing both in their entirety and with full completion. It’s no secret that I have experienced losses in my past that I have had to mourn in order to live the life that God has intended- we all have. Last year at this time, I was engaged and planning a wedding that was to take place just over five months out. Choosing to trust God and experience the painful loss of that engagement was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. In Nepal, there is actually a word in the language for a woman who is 30 and single. I grieved the losses of so many things in order to bring hope to this nation and inspire women and children, and found myself being pitied so much for being single at 29 years old. Expectations of others were put on me all month, as women offered to pray for me to find a husband even though I told them I do not need one. Yet, 1Corinthians echoes the truth that exists in stating that the love present is hopeful. It never fails.
This month, I experienced a loss on a much smaller scale, but one that represents God’s desire for us when it comes to losses. My headlamp and sunglasses were attached with a clip that seems to have been broken and therefore, in the busy street of the village, I lost about $250 of my things. Just before which, I witnessed a teen find a nice bracelet on the sidewalk and refuse to turn it in for its rightful owner to find, even when I offered him a cash reward for doing the right thing. He and the adult by his side had a finders keepers attitude. When my things were lost I had to mourn that loss, knowing this. I had to pray to God to be reminded that they were only things and did not change who I was or how big God is. After mourning this, I still opted to go back, with hope to look for them the next morning. After I had accepted the loss, and walked back humming it is well with my soul, I met a man who had found my things and kept them safe for me. The challenge was to both mourn and yet have the hope. To deal with the loss appropriately in order for it to be in the past and let go. Grieving means to let go of the expectation and to move on free of the pain and agony, yet hope in God after can feel like a challenge.
The hope is the most natural thing for me, and one that I am also called to do Biblically. Therefore to hope, free from an exact idea of the outcome is the challenge that I have been battling. It is important to experience the full pain of the loss, and I believe that sometimes God wants to know that we still trust HIM. HE wants to know that we are okay with losing things that are gifts from HIM in the first place. That we will still turn to HIM in the loss, and remain steadfast in faith.
My ultimate hope is that through my struggles, someone’s faith may be strengthened. That by sharing this, you or someone you share it with will find peace. The peace of God is offered to all of HIS children, yet HE wants us to hope in HIM to receive it beyond understanding.
Xoxo
Photo: myself with two of the children I ministered to daily this month… And their goat.
