Although, I have been able to trace my confusion and juxtaposition of emotions down to one factor: TIME. This is because t i m e determines how long I can stay home, t i m e determines when I get to leave the states. Diminshing t i m e builds anxiety, or pressure to make the moments spent with friends, coworkers or family members as valuble as possible. But then t i m e drags on and on when speaking in terms of exploring places I've only seen in pictures, engaging with different cultures, and sharing the love of God with people who have never even heard the name, Jesus Christ.
All ^ that ^ being said, I've finally got a chance to take a step back to analyze the situation at it's entirety (because that's what I like to do). I've been able to sum the problem up to this: God has put the desire to share his love with others in my heart. HOW is that a problem? The problem is this, there are people here that I love so much that still don't understand the love the Lord has for them, and there are people all over the world I've never met and love and they don't know that they are loved AT ALL. I can't stand to stay, but I can't bear to leave either! Being tugged emotionally in two directions, I am torn.
My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for their friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.
You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit (referring to fruit of the spirit, Galations 5:22-23, "the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control") —fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you.
This is my command: Love each other."
~John 15:9-17
Can I get an AMEN?! This passage gives me clarity and peace about leaving because:
2) I should NOT feel guilty about leaving my friends, but I CAN share the same burden God has for people who don't see how much he loves them, and I CAN be greatful that God "chose ME" and "appointed me to hold the love, joy, and peace" of the spirit.
3) I am not responsible for others belief in Christ, because only God can reveal himself to them. BUT God has revealed himself to me, and therefore I AM responsible to share my faith is him to others.
Friends, I love you with all my heart and I know you know that. There is NO greater love than to lay down one's life for their friends, and that is what Christ did for YOU. Christ died for you so that you may live free from the sins you commited yesterday, today, and tomorrow. All he asks is that you love him in return. If you believe this is true, accept his love, and share his love with others by loving them so that they can be free too!
Going back to the factor of time.
T i m e can be seen as an hourglass with it's sand seeping through faster and faster, and that is very stressful! However, the amount of time isn't the matter we should be of concerned with, rather, what we do with the time that we have. So love the Lord who loves you, and share that love with others because in the end, the brief moments we spend here with friends and family are not as valuable as the e t e r n i t y we will spend in heaven. Last minute update: 25 days till Launch and I only need $3,500 to meet my next deadline!
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