Sitting on a bed in a room that I don’t have to share, surrounded by piles of my belongings I have yet to organize. I’m home.
I could drive the streets of Apple Valley with my eyes closed- everything is so familiar, not much has changed. I’m home.
Yesterday, I signed paperwork and had orientation as a rehire for the job I left right before the Race. I know that building, the job requirements, and many of the people, like the back of my hand. I’m home.
To be honest, with no disrespect intended, when I left I assumed that if I came back to this town, this bedroom, this job, this life, I would’ve “failed” the Race.
Here I am, literally in the exact life I left 11 months ago. If my pre-Race logic was sound, then, technically, I failed the Race.
In the last few months of the Race, they attempted to set us up for success in the “after.” We talked about coping mechanisms, community, and momentum.
I identified coping mechanisms that I turn to instead of dealing with emotions- that list of negative coping strategies is now a checklist/recap of everything I’ve done since being home. I failed at starting this transition process on a new foot.
Community… Community goes beyond good friendships- it’s the Church. Thankfully, I still have my WR besties and some of my amazing supporters pouring into me, but I am going to have to find some people nearby to begin the process of vulnerability and Church-building all over again… Frankly, that sounds exhausting to me right now. I want (and am looking for) an easy fix.
Momentum. In this new “after,” I struggle to answer the question, “What do you want to do?” “I want to go on the World Race,” has been my answer for so long, I’m not sure how to transition to a new dream.
Forgive the semi-graphic metaphor but at our final debrief in Mijas, Spain, one of our speakers (the fabulous Lisa Black) compared any mourning process, including our transition from the Race, to a birth. All the pain and pressure of this labor season leads directly into a “rebirth,” from the womb into a world of endless possibilities. It’s that exact feeling- the endless possibilities (that the next step for me can be anything I want) that has got me a bit paralyzed. I’ve bounced around from idea to idea, each sounding as awesome as the last, because there isn’t one thing I feel “called” to do.
So, what do you do when enter a new season and you don’t “feel led” in any particular direction?
I, personally, am shrugging my shoulders and just doing the next thing.
In 1 Samuel 10, Samuel anoints Saul as God’s choice to be king of Israel. He gives him very specific instructions and, at the end, he says, “Then the Spirit of the Lord will rush upon you, and you will prophesy with them and be turned into another man. Now when these signs meet you, do what your hand finds to do, for God is with you.”
I’m not a huge fan of taking verses widely out of context, but I believe this is a good picture of how my spiritual walk has been (and will continue to be).
“Then the Spirit of the Lord will rush upon you…” I have the Spirit of the Lord in me; as a Christ-follower, I am His temple (1 Corinthians 6:19-20).
“…be turned into another man.” In Christ, I am a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17).
I am walking in the Spirit, I am a new creation, His love (joy, peace, patience, etc.) flows out of me… Therefore, just like Saul was instructed, in this next season, I will simply do the next thing. I can walk in confidence with Him, doing “what [my] hand finds to do” because I know God is with me.
Right now, that means working at my job, living in my hometown, bringing light and joy and Kingdom wherever I go, and trusting that God will bring the community He knows I need.
Over the Race, we were taught to let go of expectations- expectations for our teammates, our ministry and hosts, our route, our living situation from month to month (or day to day!)… I’m finding in the “after” I am still needing to let go of expectations.
I had clear-cut expectations for myself on how I would “reenter” America- and, if I allow my legalistic-tendencies to overrule, I could be rather discouraged right now. However, I am learning to clothe myself with grace.
I’m celebrating the successes and forgiving myself for the failures.
I have a couple things I had set on the back burner that I am starting to give a little more attention to, including:
- Continuing my love and passion for writing and photography on a different platform (link to come!)
- Looking into the possibility of going back to University/a discipleship training school
- Researching various organizations that I can get involved with in my community
- Reorganizing my budget to allow space to support missions and save up for future missions trips I want to go on.
The end of the Race wasn’t the end. The Race was the best year of my life thus far, but I expect so much more out of my future. I’m excited to see how God continues to build my story.
Love,
Laura
