Romania was the country.
My country.
The country I feared my whole Race because I thought God was going to call me to live here permanently.
When I was young, we were learning basic psychology and, in our textbooks, there were photos of young Romanian orphans. The text talked about the lack of love and affection the babies received and the detrimental, irreversible effects this had on their development.
This sparked an idea, an idea I’ve held onto for years and years. For a long time, when people asked me what my dream was, I would always respond with, “work with orphans in Romania.” Everyone knew that’s where my heart was. That’s why I chose this route- so I could work in Romania.
Walking into this month, I thought this is where I would stay.
Plot twist. I don’t want to stay. I love my host, I love the people I worked with… but I no longer feel a pull for Romania.
Funny enough, instead of the World Race, I almost signed up for a missionary training program that included an 18-month internship in Romania. Site unseen, I almost signed up for 2 years preparing for and serving in Romania.
I praise God that He knows what’s best for me and that I went with my Race dream first.
To be honest- I don’t think I want to work as a full-term missionary anymore. I love the idea of working in a ministry role in the States and, perhaps, leading short-term trips, but I don’t want to be stationed overseas. Which is much more shocking to me than you would think. I seriously expected to be called into full-time missions at some point on the Race.
Who knows? There are two months left in the Race and God could always spark something in my heart when I get home… but, for now, I’m not sure what I want to do.
One by one, God has been fulfilling my dreams.
- Seeing ancient buildings
- Adventure and adrenaline Great lifelong friends
- The overall dream of the World Race
- Working in Romania
- Old churches, great coffee shops, fresh bread and fruit from the market
- Travel, everywhere and anywhere
Many of my major dreams for my life have been fulfilled. On top of that, many of the things I have always thought I would end up doing long term (running/working in childcare) has much less appeal than before.
I don’t know what I want to do with my life. With all of my dreams being fulfilled, I’m at that awkward stage where I don’t have a new dream.
During a team-time, I had my teammates write out a list of 97 dreams. I was able to fill my list rather quickly- many of them had to do with places I want to go- but none of them had anything to do with a career or a way to sustain myself (except for being a travel writer- not sure if that is feasible).
All this to say… there are still things I want in life (a husband and babies for example) but right now… I’m waiting. I’m waiting for God to show me the new desires of my heart. I’m waiting.
God is telling me to dream again.
Dream again.
Dream bigger.
And trust that He is paving the way.
