“Not all of us can afford to be romantic… I’m twenty-seven years old, I’ve no money and no prospects. I’m already a burden to my parents and I’m frightened. So don’t you judge me, Lizzy. Don’t you dare judge me!”
-Charlotte Lucas (Jane Austen, “Pride and Prejudice”)
Anyone that knows me knows my love for Pride and Prejudice. Whether it’s watching the 6-hour BBC version, the new Keira Knightley version [read: a piece of art], or, of course, curling up with the book, you can, more likely than not, find me entrenched in Jane Austen’s England when I have some time to myself.
I like to think of myself as the heroine, Elizabeth Bennet. Strong, confident, smart, and witty; who wouldn’t wish to relate?
Elizabeth Bennet
Elizabeth usually makes decisions biased in logic, but will always defer to her heart for the most difficult of choices. For example, Elizabeth rejects a ridiculous marriage proposal from Mr. Collins, a man she could never respect or love but who could save her family from destitution upon the death of Mr. Bennet, Elizabeth’s father.
Mr. Collins
The “logical” or “right” decision, according to her family and culture, would have been to set aside her expectations and marry this man, for the good of her family, accepting that she will never be truly happy in marriage. However, Elizabeth goes with her heart and the hope that she may marry for love, and Mr. Collins ends up marrying Elizabeth’s best friend, Charlotte, instead.
Charlotte Lucas
Charlotte is a secondary character in every way. Only written in as a plot device to further Elizabeth’s story, she isn’t someone designed to be admired- in the story, or by the reader. She isn’t considered beautiful, she’s past the “right” age to marry, her family isn’t anything special, and she doesn’t have any money or property to bring to a marriage- basically, in her world, she’s desperate. 27 and unmarried, she’s a burden to her family and society.
For all of her “faults,” Charlotte is wise, in a sense, and sees the world like it is, not as a fantasyland. When Mr. Collins proposes, she knows that if she rejects this man she will probably end up unmarried for the rest of her life. She bites the bullet and accepts guaranteed security over the possibility of love.
I want to be like Elizabeth… but, sometimes, I hear things that Charlotte would say coming out of my mouth. I see myself making decisions Charlotte would make. I find myself living in a “practical” world that is desperate for security.
Elizabeth was young, only 20 years old, while Charlotte was pushing 30; today, Elizabeth would be a young, college-aged woman, looking into the future with hope and filled with excitement. Charlotte, on the other hand, had lived long enough to have some bumps and bruises- as years passed, disappointments had built up and tempered her dreams. Perhaps Charlotte could see what Elizabeth couldn’t: fairytales aren’t real and sometimes you have to do what you can to secure your future. Yes, she settled, but at least she settled into security.
Thankfully, I’m not a character in an 1800’s book. I love my life- but it reads much more chaotically than an Austen novel.
My life’s a bit messy. By today’s standards, a woman like me should have a college degree. A woman like me should have a boyfriend (or, better yet, a husband and maybe a baby). A woman like me should be settled in a career, moving forward in life. A woman like me should have established roots.
Y’all, I’m going back to school this fall to get my A.S.- that 2-year degree I started almost 10 years ago.
I’ve, still, never dated. I’m awkward around men (especially the dang cute ones), and that isn’t about to change.
I don’t have any money- but I do have a credit card- with a good chunk of debt attached to it.
I don’t think someone would lease me an apartment and, to be honest, I probably couldn’t afford one in my town anyway.
Eventually, I should get a stable job and start paying back my student loans…
What am I saying?
I’m saying that, on paper, I don’t have anything to offer this world. Not a dang thing.
Charlotte had nothing to offer her world and she decided to take that fact, own it, and make a choice that secured her future.
Would I make that same choice? Would I settle for a life of security, knowing that it wasn’t all I wanted in life? If Mr. Collins proposed to me today, would I accept?
The analogy goes far beyond the thought of an actual relationship- my “Mr. Collins” could be anything from a relationship, a friendship, where to live, or what to do for a career… Charlotte resigned to her fate and made a huge, permanent choice out of fear. I don’t ever want to make a decision from a place of fear.
I want to be the heroine of my story. I want to be a strong, confident, primary character. Settling in as a minor character in my own life would be a tragedy.
Granted, I want to be my own heroine, but I know, even as I make choices, the Author has the ultimate creative license and will guide my journey to the direction of His choosing…
What does this mean right now?
Well, currently, I’m celebrating the chapter I’m in- it’s a pretty great chapter! I was given an amazing year of love and adventure and memories with a family that I will cherish forever. Throughout this chapter, I have learned to walk hand in hand with my Father, through the good times as well as the very difficult times.
I’m sure the next chapter will revolve around the same themes, just in a different place, with different people.
As will the next chapter… and the next.
Because isn’t that what life is about? Growing closer to God in any and every chapter of life?
A part of me will always desire security. However, this is my promise to myself: I will forevermore endeavor to make decisions from a place of love and excitement and trust- fear will not be allowed a voice at all.
