“I want to post an upbeat blog… for once.”
Mariah just rolls her eyes and laughs.
I like you guys- my supporters, my readers. I can be myself around you, post blogs describing my Race like it is, without having to sugarcoat or gloss over anything. Yes, my posts lately haven’t been the shiniest, but I have had the opportunity to be open, honest, and vulnerable with you all, I thank you for that!
This blog is split into two parts; together they answer the question I get so often, namely, “How’s it going?”
Part One: What’s Happening
Our host this month is fantastic. He and his family moved from one part of Malaysia to start a church here- that vision has grown into a church as well as a “tent-making” business- the kindergarten we are helping out at. He has a heart for the locals and wisdom on how to reach them effectively.
Sunday through Thursday, we help teach 15-20 “kindergartners” (age 3-9). This week will be our last week teaching due to the Christmas holiday break for the remainder of December. The students come mainly from the Middle East (they are here because their parents are attending university in our area) and speak different languages, but the class is run exclusively in English.
We are learning Tamil Christmas carols and will be going caroling Tuesday (12/20) evening. Pastor has told us stories of how God used this time in the past to do amazing things- we are excited to see how He moves!
This Friday (12/23), we have the opportunity to share about Christmas on stage at the local mall. We are singing Christmas carols (in English and in Tamil), performing the ‘Lighthouse “Everything” skit’, and the kids from the church are dancing- all tied together with a narration of the Christmas story.
We are helping with a Christmas Eve service at the church Saturday evening (where the “Everything” skit will make another appearance) and will be having Christmas morning with our host family and Christmas afternoon/evening as a team.
Things are going to be very busy for the next 9 or so days (through Christmas) and then we will have a couple days to relax. Our remaining time in Malaysia will be spent cleaning and getting the school ready for the spring semester.
We are flying to our next country (Philippines) at the end of the month and will have to travel down from where we are now to the capital (Kuala Lumpur) to fly out. Hopefully, we will get a little time to see a bit of the city.
Part 2: How I’m Doing
God is good! I have loved getting to know our host family and seeing God’s faithfulness in their lives. Our host has been pouring into us and it’s humbling to see their servant’s heart towards the people in the community and to us.
That being said, this has been the hardest month for me thus far. Thailand was hard for me but in a very different way. The “hard stuff” wasn’t physically happening to me- the shock and empathy and heartbreak for what was happening to others may have been difficult to traverse, but this month I feel personally attacked.
Physically, in the 2 weeks I have been in Malaysia, I’ve been sick with 3 different illnesses of various durations (and stung by a jellyfish). Only in the past 3 days have I been remotely healthy. I have been feeling like I’m swimming upstream and making little to no progress and becoming weaker by the minute.
Emotionally and spiritually, I’m a little bit of a wreck.
No one ever promised this process of change and growth would be easy but, coming into the Race, I thought I knew how God would choose to change/grow me and how I would respond to certain stimuli.
I was wrong, to say the least. He is uprooting and molding aspects of myself that I never thought He would touch and, frankly, I don’t like it. Parts my personality that I love and never, for a second, thought to change are being altered; major characteristics I defined myself by are being suppressed. I thought I would come on the Race and become a better, heightened version of the person I already was- He is stripping things away and I don’t even recognize myself anymore. I’m sitting here, looking around, not knowing who I am anymore and wondering, “What now?”
This tearing down process is just a little bit terrifying. Part of the unknown is finding I have to trust that He is actually in control of the demolition and that I’m not being slowly altered by the people around me for the sake of becoming someone who is “easier” to live with. I don’t take lightly the influence my team has had on me, and I do appreciate the positive aspects, but at the end of this process, I want to be the “me” God wants me to be, not a version of “me” created solely by any human process, even if that “process” is a Christian community.
On top of all this, it’s Christmas time. I miss my family. I miss snow. I miss buying gifts, Claymation TV specials, and baking cookies.
I promised an uplifting post… so I’ll finish by saying God is good. I know He wouldn’t have me go through hard times if He didn’t already have a plan to turn it and use it for good. I am so thankful for this journey, even during the rough patches. I am so thankful for my beautiful team and what they are teaching me. I am so thankful for this Christmas season and the opportunity to bring His joy to people who have never experienced it. I am thankful for you all and your constant support and prayer.
I am truly blessed by you all!
XOXO
