When I was a little girl I dreamed BIG! I mean so BIG! I had dreams of getting married and having a HUGE wedding of all my friends and family (which at that time included my entire elementary school). I dreamed that my to-be-husband (who, at the time, I think was probably a kid named Zach) would want the same and all of his friends would be there; and it would be a HUGE party. Our reception would of course include karaoke and a dance off!
Then there was the honeymoon. Oh, the places we would go on our honeymoon! Like I said, I had BIG dreams and my dream for my honeymoon was to take a trip around the world. We would visit all the major countries that you hear about, that you see pictures of, and we would do ALL the things.
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Then we get to the now. You read my title, I Got Married. Maybe you’re wondering what? When? How did I miss this? If you’ve read my previous blogs, you know I have gone through some rough times; I’ve seen some dark places, and as you know, I made it out. Through some great people who spoke life into my life I re-met and started dating a love I had pushed away.
I know, I know, it sounds so cheesy, but bear with me, I even told my mom
this before I left.
Not only was the Race an amazing experience, but it was also a huge test of FAITH. I had to put my whole trust in God, so I did. I was 100% only for His plan for my life. I committed, He committed. No big party, no big reception, just us, and it was beautiful. Then came the honeymoon; my trip around the world with the Love of my life.
It was great! It was wonderful! It was hard!
The honeymoon faze started to dwindle. We started planning our arrival home. I allowed myself to become distant. I loved this life we had together, why did it have to end? I didn’t make ”us” time as much, as I got too involved in other things. I resented the idea of singing love songs to Him, so I played and sang the music other people wanted to hear. I could feel the distance, but became too blind to see that it was me that was pulling away, not him.
Then I came home. I allowed our relationship to turn into a love affair. I didn’t understand why things just weren’t the same as before we left. The ‘single life’ seemed so full of fun and friends before I left, shouldn’t it be the same upon return? But it wasn’t.
Not as much fun; not as many friends.
Again resentment.
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Being home hasn’t been as easy. It has been full of disappointment and desire. Yet, at the same time, I have seen how God IS working in me and how He IS using me. Nothing is how I thought it would be. Not work. Not family. Not friends. But one thing is the same, my Maker’s love. He has never stopped loving me, no matter how much resentment or anger or yelling I’ve offered Him.
He holds me.
He hasn’t said much since being home, but I see the small things and know he never leaves me. He does the ‘dishes’ when I have a long day at work. He starts the ‘laundry’ when I’m busy running errands. He always knows exactly what I need;
nothing more, nothing less.
Divorce or separation are nowhere in the picture. I’m making the choice to spend time with my Love, rather than to watch TV alone. I’m choosing to be intimate again; to let Him see the whole mess of me, not just the pretty parts.
I’m choosing US!
