They called us teenagers….
We walked up the stairs, took our shoes off before stepping into the immaculately cleaned apartment and met four beautiful Filipino women; Corinna, who lived there and her three friends, Helen, Jean, and Sally. These women welcomed us in with open hearts, a kiss for each cheek and a huge smile. To look at them they were happy and excited about life.
One by one they told their stories.
Helen has been married about a year and a half and is so in love with her husband. They had a miscarriage, you could see the longing in her eyes to have children. She says "it was a hard time, but I know it is God's timing."
Corinna, Jean and Sally's stories are all very similar to each other. As they opened up our hearts broke for them.
Corinna's husband would beat her terribly. He would yell at her and hit her for no apparent reason. One day she came to our contact, Josef, with a video of the bruises on her body. Josef met with her husband and told him about Jesus and shared the Gospel with him. It was not an overnight transformation, but Josef's illustration of God's desire for marriage sparked a change in him.
"Its like this" Josef hold a hand above his head "if this is God, and this is man" using another hand below the first "and this is woman" signaling below man "then we [men] will always seem to be a weight crushing from above the woman. But if we men come under and support the woman" Josef continues with his 'man hand' "then God will come under and support us, you understand?"
Corinna does not forget what she has been through, but she does not fear her husband as she used to. She sees the hope she had, all those years, come to fruition because she placed her hope in Christ.
Sally's story is a bit the same, a bit different. Her husband is now working abroad and she takes care of the home, their two children (George and Michael (yes, named after George Michael), and her beautiful garden. She has recently started a small shop in her home of eggs, grains, cookies and many other things. Since her husband left she says, as she stares longingly out the window, it has been like vacation. It is not easy for her to take care of everything by herself, but it is easier than having to deal with being beaten by her husband.
Jean was the most sensitive story we heard that day, because it is still greatly affecting her and her children. Jean has not lived with her husband for the past month and a half because she wants to prove to herself she can support herself and children without him. Jean is tired. She has so much pain in her eyes as she speaks about her life and how hard it is to be married to this man.
While we were at Corinna's home that day, Jean's husband came because he wanted to see Josef. Reading Jean's expressions and mannerisms during that time was heart wrenching. This was not the first time Josef had spoken to her husband about how to treat a woman; his wife. This was not the first time Jean's husband had come to meet him drunk.
We all stood in a circle and laid hands on each woman as we prayed. Two of my teammates were crying as we prayed over Jean, her husband, and one daughter there that day. After we left, I sat beside Josef's wife, Elin, on the bus and we spoke about the situation; "you can tell she doesn't love him anymore" Elin said "we speak to these families, the men respect and like Josef, and that's important. We encourage a change, even if they don't come to know Christ yet, we encourage a change. After some time you can see that either they change or they never will. I don't believe he has the desire to ever change." While I could see all this as it was unfolding during our afternoon with them, hearing it made my heart ache for these women that much more.
No woman deserves to be abused, verbally, mentally or physically. EVER.
Many Turkish families endure much abuse. As the girls become women and marry they come to expect the beatings, because that is what they've always known and seen in their own fathers. They take the abuse and continue, quietly, with their lives. They know if they go to the police they will most likely be told "do a better job as a wife and you won't get beat."
The women that we met are different though. They are a tight sisterhood of Filipino women who stick together through thick and thin, supporting whatever decision each of them make. The Filipino culture, as a whole, is very caring, giving and hospitable. These women did not grow up seeing their mothers, and possibly themselves, being beaten. They did not marry a handsome Turkish man expecting him to be an abusive drunk. They did not expect to fear for their lives.
These women called us teenagers. Maybe because we all look so young, maybe because we are a small group of Christians, or maybe that was how we were introduced. Really it became quite comical as the day went on. I can't really say why they called us teenagers, but I didn't care. I have not been through the kind of hell they have been through, honestly one could say I am ignorant of how often it happens; and even though these women are all close to my age, I don't care, they can call me a teenager.
Please join me in praying for not only the Filipino women within this culture, but all the women who suffer daily of abuse, in the Turkish culture and around the world, maybe in your own neighborhood. There needs to be a change, and if we quietly sit by and say nothing, change will never come.
It's not OK.
**All names have been changed for identity protection.
