Where to start…where to start….I've been wanting needing to post for a while, but haven't had the nerve to. I feel that God wants me to expose my insecurities.
so that you may be healed.
The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.
James 5.16
While I have nothing to hide, I am not usually one to share everything openly without being prompted (yes I know, God's prompting is so much more important than any one elses). So here it goes:
I've never been the skinny one. I've never been the beautiful one. I've never been the one people flock to. I'm always the one who falls to hard, therefore I'm always the one who gets hurt. I'm the one who is breaking on the inside and smiling on the outside. I often am hurt by things people say, but don't want to tell them they hurt me because it may hurt their feelings (I know, it doesn't make sense). I've been hurt in love so bad I honestly thought my heart would just stop beating; therefore I'm terrified to let anyone see that part of me, I'm terrified to let anyone love me. But…
In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence
on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him.
There is no fear in love.
But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.
The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
1 John 4. 16b-18
I will betroth you to me forever;
I will betroth you in righteousness and justice,
in love and compassion.
Hosea 2.19
I over-analyze all too often. I'm too much of a planner–and get stressed when my plans don't go the way I had them planned out to go. I worry too my for my own good. I seem confident on the outside but on the inside I'm terrified (especially in large group settings). I worry as to whether people will like me or will like what I have to say or will like the finished product of something I do. Basically I'm so afraid of failure in other people's eyes that I forget to see the success my Maker sees in me.
But He said to me
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses,
so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
2 Cor. 12.9
Yet, in all this worry and imperfection, I have found great peace in my Maker. In Him, while I have so so so many doubts in myself, I am shown perfect grace. I am made whole. I am His. In this I have found a trust that I can not put in man. I have found joy, unspeakable joy, that would be void without my Savior's love. I have learned to love other's without passing judgement or caution.
Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition,
with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts
and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right,
whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable
—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me,
or seen in me—put it into practice.
And the God of peace will be with you.
Phil. 4.4-9
These are some of my favorite verses. My God who is my Peace is with me. How much more perfect can that be!?! And because my Maker is so amazing I can be completely confident in who I am, because he has made me who I am.
In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy
because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now,
being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on
to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
Phil. 1.3-6
