I was going to write a blog about the changes happening in me, after all, the title of this blog is From the Inside Out. I want to share what is going on inside of me, how God is working in me and through me this year. I want you all to be able to follow my spiritual journey that I am on. Over the past couple of weeks, I have been learning a lot from God, and I had wanted to share it with you. I was rereading my journal, however, and it seems so awkward to write about.
Earlier on, way back in Chincha I had been in a conversation about feminism, and thought about the different roles of men and women. It started my thinking process, because for the past 3 years I had been in university obtaining a Women’s Studies degree. I had been taught a lot about how women “should” be treated, and how they are actually treated. I began calling myself a feminist, as I still do, with the definition that women should be free from the fear of men, and should stand together about issues important to women. These issues include rape, wife assault, help for single mothers, fair wages and more. I believe that if a woman and a man do the same job, they should be paid the same amount of money. I believe a woman should not have to be scared of walking down the street alone at dark. I do not believe that being a lesbian is an ok choice, but I also do not believe that it should be any more condemned than a person who lies, cheats or steals- and that it is up to God to do the condemning. I also do not believe in abortion, but I do believe that women should have access to health care, and have opportunites to give her baby up for adoption if she so desires. These are all issues important to women who call themselves feminists.
Somewhere along the way I have forgotten about how men fit into all of this. I have forgotten to also look to the Bible to see how all of these feminist issues that I so deeply care about intertwine with the roles that God has laid out for men and women. Since my conversation I have talked with various people and I have learned a lot, and prayed a lot. On February 21st, sitting on the boat in Nauta, Peru, God spoke to me. I know He did, because the thoughts I wrote down in my journal were most definately not my thoughts before then. I am a strong woman, and independant woman and my friends laugh when I tell them that on this trip I have been described as quiet, submissive and not stubborn. And yet, through all this, God spoke. I will tell you, straight from my journal, what happened on that morning.
This World Race really does feel like a marriage. I am learning that I will make a good wife. I am capable of being quiet, submissive and not stubborn. I want to be encouraging and loving and I WANT to be a good wife. I have never desired these things before. It’s surprising and somewhat confusing, but oddly comforting. I’m not in love with one man here, but I love each of my brothers here- desiring to see them grow into strong men of the Lord, becoming emboldened to speak the truth, and learning how to care for, be patient with, and love us women. It’s important to be proud of the men’s accomplishments and sometimes let them do things for you, even if you are quite capable of doing them yourself.
I am realizing how important it is to support the men, and how much value they really place on us and our opinion. Sometimes being a strong woman means supporting your man and being able to keep him on the path of righteousness. Being proud and encouraging does not mean that I have to give up my deisres to help women in their fight for justice in issues like fair pay, and the right to not be raped or abused. I can be both a feminist and a Christian. I want justice for women at the same time as wanting to supportive and encouraging of men.
Well, there you have it. I told you all about what I have been learning. It wasn´t as awkward as I thought it was going to be. My insides have started spilling out onto the pages of this blog. I hope these will be a lot more for you to know, because I desparately hope that I will continue learning from God. Please pray for me that I will be able to hear and listen to what God is telling me. Thank you all for your support.
