Tonight was the last service that my church held in our old building. It was incredible, encouraging, inspiring, and moving. We spent time looking back at where we had been and what God had been doing among the most unlikely group of people you could imagine. There were reminders of all the incredible ways God had showed up over the past several years: the “Jesus prom” that was thrown for men and women with disabilities, the “Extreme Trailer Makeover” for the disadvantaged family with five kids (one with special needs), and numerous shots of Afghanistan that took me back to Barek Aub and the IDP health clinic in Kabul. There were reminders of the baptisms, worship, and community that changed my life and helped my brokenness begin to heal.
This look back into the past came at such a God-designed time. For weeks, perhaps months now, I’ve been feeling overwhelmed and drained every Sunday when I walked through the doors of the building. I walked in with my heart in all the wrong places, not there to worship and to glorify God but to serve. In those acts of service, I lost sight of what God was doing. Instead of focusing on what an amazing and incredible God we serve, I would fixate on my own frustrations. Looking back, I’m ashamed at how wrapped up I was in what I was doing and how I was feeling.
I’m reminded of when I was at the Passion Conference in Atlanta back in January. Our first day at the conference I had the opportunity to talk to a representative from RightNow.org about my heart for missions and to discuss different long-term opportunities in the field. At the end of this conversation, the representative, Paul, asked if he could pray for me and something he said had stuck with me. While praying, Paul mentioned that God has a specific place that He is calling me to where I will be joyful to serve. To be honest, I was taken aback by this and thought to myself, “this isn’t about joy!” Yet, I couldn’t get this idea out of my head. Is it true that God, who knows me inside and out and created me with specific gifts and talents, would call me to serve somewhere where I was… happy?
It may sound strange, but the idea of being joyful in my service, wherever that may be, was revolutionary. Yet, no matter how I look at it, I have come to understand that the God I serve has equipped and prepared me and will continue to train me so that I can use my heart and my passions for His glory and His renown. Not that it will be easy, because God never promises “easy.” But perhaps I’ve been so tired and drained and frustrated in my service because this is not where I am best utilizing my gifts and talents. There is a better place for me to be directing my resources; I just don’t know where that place is yet.
This blog is supposed to be about my expectations of the World Race. Well, friends, here is my biggest expectation: I expect that God will reveal to me where He is calling me to serve long-term in the future and that I will be joyful to serve where He is calling me to go. I am trusting and depending that the Lord will use this experience to direct my future steps in the mission field. And as a new friend told me tonight, “He’s gonna.”
“For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago.” Ephesians 2:10
