This past week at training camp brought to light a desire within me. I want to known and affirmed for who I am. I like to think that I function independently of other people and their opinions of me, but this week God decided to show me that this couldn’t be farther from the truth.
Training camp was brimming with incredibly loving individuals, one of the most accepting environments I could have put myself in. And yet, my insecurities reigned. Do these people like me? Am I cool enough, social enough, passionate enough? These thoughts infiltrated my mind and my subsequent actions. I functioned out of selfishness, approaching people and holding conversations in order to “win them over” for my own recognition and fame. I just wanted to be liked!
Sitting in chapel one night, I was struggling with feelings of unacceptance and social exhaustion. Then God revealed to me my self-centeredness. You won’t always succeed, you will never be perfect, and yet I died for you. God is for me, even when it feels like no one else is – and that’s enough.
Woah.
Only after I came to a head with His unconditional affirmation of me, did He shower me with the affirmations of those around me.
I’m not good at a whole lot; I can, however, hula-hoop my heart out! That night, I got to fight for my squad in a hula-hooping competition. I didn’t win in the end, but the rush of affirmation from my squad was a much greater prize than any accomplishment could have given me.
The favor of others is awesome, but the faithful affirmation of the Lord is a tremendous gift because it comes without a price and with no conditions.
Glory!
Photo by Amanda Tuten
