A song that has been dear to my soul recently is In Memorial by the Oh Hellos:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZU5z2es6C9M
“When you wage your wars against the one who adores you, you will never know the treasure that you’re worth. I’ve never been a weathy one before. I’ve got holes in my pockets burned by liars gold. I think I’m far too poor for you to want me.”
It’s been a constant battle throughout my life to see the worth in me that God sees in me, but I’m just now seeing how little the worth I think others see in me. When would people want to be around me when others are more fun to be around? Why would he be attracted to me when she’s prettier, skinnier and more eloquent in speech than I ever will be? I never realized the heafty foothold Satan has in my life to tear me down before I even try. I often portray myself as a confident single women, but he often uses my lifelong singleness as a foothold of destruction, to my own dismay. I often put on the facade that I’m comfortable being alone in friendships and in romantic relationships in order to avoid the pitfalls in my own character and self esteem. How much easier is it for me to avoid the personal connection that I might have than to face the impending rejection I fear?
“It’s a long cloud up the dusty mountain. It’s a long road losing all our hope. If you leave before the start then it wasn’t love at all. Heaven knows You were the only God I ever should loved, and You’re far too beautiful, believe me”
I have been told that I am the epitome of strength. But, does my strength hinder me form indugin in the relationships my heart for so long has desired? It’s time for me to step out in faith and courage and let people beyond the wall. I need to live a life that emphasizes strength AND beauty.
