I warn you this may end up being a little lengthy but it is probably one of the greatest lessons I’ve yet learned on the race. I also want to gently warn you that what I’m about to talk about may be hard to read and a little graphic but a true picture of what I experienced.
Yesterday, several of us decided to go shopping with some of our new friends here, Simona and Cece. We shopped for a while, ate some lunch, and rounded a corner on the street. Through crowds of people, my eyes were drawn to a small but very ill child. He was lying in his mother’s arm having a difficult time breathing. He had an obvious brain tumor. His head was nearly doubled in size. As we walked by my heart sank. I felt such compassion and sadness for this precious boy. I prayed as we kept walking only to pass by two more men on the street. One had burn scars from head to toe. With his face covered, he was being moved around on a stretcher by another man begging for money. Another man was crippled, lying on his face, with hands and feet shriveled, begging for money. I was in a state of shock. All of this was happening on the same street where people were haggling for lower prices for that next best thing, spending tons of money, with huge department stores lining the street. We walked into one of those stores and I just couldn’t handle it. All I could think about was that poor little boy and his suffering.
I’m going to backtrack a little before I continue the story. I’ve been really seeking God about miracles for a while now and particularly miracles of physical healing. I KNOW that God works in this way because I’ve experienced it myself when I was set free from serious depression several years ago. I have other testimonies of praying over people who immediately experienced healing and I’ve heard COUNTLESS testimonies of people being healed all over the world. I’ve even heard a recent account of a man being raised from the dead and this did not happen in some far reaching corner of the world, hundreds of years ago. This happened a few months ago in Ohio. The same church that was started in Acts is still alive today! I also know that sometimes people don’t experience IMMEDIATE healing…sometimes its progressive it seems….
I prayed with all this in mind as I thought about returning to the boy to pray over him. Being totally honest, I was afraid that maybe he wouldn’t be healed instantly if I went back and prayed over him. I just wanted healing for him SO BAD! I was overwhelmed with compassion for him. What if God didn’t heal him? What if he still ended up dying? What if I didn’t have the right words to pray? What if…what if…what if…? Then, I heard God say that He wanted life for the boy and He always desires life in every situation…and that was enough direction for me. I went to Simona and asked her if she would be comfortable with going back with me to translate as I prayed for the boy…she agreed. The team walked back with me as well.
As we walked back down the street, I prayed. I prayed that this boy would be healed and that God would be given the utmost glory. I prayed that because of his healing there would be revival on the street and that the other men would be healed as well. I expected God to do big, BIG things and I trusted fully that God would give me the words to pray and would guide me in this.
When Simona, Diane, and I reached the young child, I knelt down so I could be at eye level with him and his mother. I fought back tears at the suffering that was in front of me. I introduced myself to the boy and his mother. The mother told me that his name was “Chen Chen” and that his brain tumor was “untreatable”. I asked her if I could pray and hold his hand and she agreed. I really can’t tell you exactly what I said but it was on my heart to share the gospel as I prayed for his healing. I spoke the passionate love of God over Chen Chen and his mother and prayed for healing and strength. I spoke over him that God created him and loves him deeply.
After I prayed, I looked up expecting that his head would be back to normal size and yet he appeared to be the same. A crowd had gathered and a flood of money was given to him while we prayed and Simona was in tears. I smiled at Chen Chen and his mother and said goodbye and then stood up to walk away.
I had a rush of questions and emotions after my time with Chen Chen. I felt upset that God did not heal him, at least not then. I thought about what more I could have done and questioned whether or not I did what Jesus would have done. In my journal last night I wrote a list of questions and conclusions.
QUESTIONS:
Why are some miracles instantaneous and others not? Was there anything that held me or God back in that moment? Was I listening to everything that God wanted? Could I/Should I have ministered more to his mother? Should I have done the same for the others that were suffering? Did I grieve the Holy Spirit in any way?
CONCLUSIONS:
Faith (needed for healing) is trust that God is moving even when the evidence is not visible. I want to get lower and go deeper. I have a deeper hunger for God because of this. I need Him more and more with every passing moment. I want to understand His heart. I trust Him. I will not blame myself for what I did not see happen.
I felt peace when wisdom reminded me that I carry the Holy Spirit and that the Holy Spirit IS healing, peace, strength, change, and all things good. I heard from God that even if there wasn’t an immediate healing, that the boy encountered the presence of God and that was SO important.
This morning I was reading “Compelled by Love” by Heidi Baker. Heidi Baker and her husband have a ministry in Mozambique. She and her husband see the miraculous on a daily basis and care for hundreds upon hundreds of orphans and the homeless. What I read today brought me peace. Heidi says, regarding comforting those who mourn, after a week where eight of their orphaned children died of disease…
“Many, many questions began to arise: How do we become the hands and feet of Jesus to dying humanity? How do we bring comfort? How do we become the love of Jesus in a culture that is crying? How do we become the kindness – the mercy – of Jesus in a culture that is mourning? And, more specifically, how do you become a blessing to the poor? It must be incarnational love!
And the simplest way to demonstrate love is to hold someone in your arms, to look them in the eyes, and to offer them a smile. How do you become love manifested in physical form and see this gospel fulfilled? If you are called as a missionary – a “sent-out one” – then you are called to comfort those who mourn. You are called to love the broken until they understand God’s love – a love that never dies – through you.
Yes, God wants you to do signs and wonders. But the love of God manifested through you is what people really need. So you must first see His face. You must become so close to Hs very heartbeat that you can feel what others feel. I want to live as if I am hidden in His very heart, where His ways become my ways. This is how we will reach the world.”
So, I guess that the point is that LOVE IS THE POINT. That even though sweet Chen Chen didn’t experience a miracle of physical healing in that moment, he experienced the love of God. I no longer need or desire any kind of proof…God is so good…always. I will keep pursuing more love and I will see it in the eyes of the poor in spirit and those who mourn because I know that God is right there with them. I trust that He is also with me as I learn more about Him and surrender more and more of myself. His ways are higher than mine.
To God be blessing, and honor, and glory, and power forever.
