So much has happened over the past few months I’m not even sure where to begin. I haven’t blogged since leaving Nepal. I’m now in my third month in Africa. We spent March in Rwanda, April in Kenya and will be spending May in Tanzania. I thought I would hate Africa. I thought it would be hot and desolate. But it is anything but. It just so happens to be the rainy season here, so I’m making good use of my waterproof jacket on a daily basis. I’ve ditched a pair of flipflops that I’m certain were trying to kill me as I took more spills than a toddler while trying to navigate through the muddy paths.
Our ministry in Rwanda was preaching and evangelizing. I preached more in that month than I had all race. I saw what worship looks like to people who are uninhibited. I realized that nightclubs are just a way for people to express their God given desire to worship in a warped and twisted way. God created us to move. To jump. To jive. To get down! And to do it all for Him. For His Glory. If churches in America would take some cues from Rwanda we wouldn’t need gym memberships. When you have church daily and not just on Sundays and you worship for an hour each day, you just got in your gym time!
During my month in Rwanda God revealed I had yet to heal from several past relationships. I was still carrying around the weight and shame from them. So one day I sat down and painfully spent time with the Lord about each one. I asked Him what good came out of those relationships and what He wanted me to make peace with and what He wanted me to know about them. It was heavy stuff. But if you don’t want your future to be defined by your past there are things you need to process so you can stop dragging around the baggage.
One relationship He showed me the only good thing that came out of it was that His grace is sufficient. And that there is nothing I can do to outrun His love. I was in a relationship with a married man several years ago. I was selfish and desperate for love. I grieve and God grieves with me for that mistake and sin. But the longer we wallow the farther away we are from God. IT IS FINISHED. Jesus doesn’t need me to die for my sin, He wants me to die to myself and get over myself and die daily for Him because He already died for my sins!
So, PRAISE GOD, I am free from that baggage. I am no longer ashamed of my past. And the world will tell me that I have a lot to be ashamed of. But my God tells me I am Pure, Holy, A Royal Priesthood. And if you are a believer and follower in Christ, so ARE YOU! So deal with your past so you can then comfort others. We can't sing of how God has redeemed us if we are still hiding in shame! LET IT GO!
Remember that even when your heart condemns you, God is greater than your heart! 1 John 3:19-20 Even when everything inside you and the world outside you is screaming that you are a sinner, a failure, unworthy and horrible, that is a lie straight from HELL. Jesus paid it all, so stop living like you still need to pay for it.
I’ve gone to hell and back. I lived up to the old saying, “Preacher’s kids are the worst”. But that’s why I now know just how strong the love of the Father is. I know He can cleanse even the dirtiest of sinners because I am one. There’s nothing too deeply buried in you or soiled in you that God can’t redeem. NOTHING.
A good friend once told me, "We accept the love we feel we deserve". So if you're in a bad relationshp and keep winding up with people who treat you poorly, you probably don't feel worthy of love. I know I didn't. But, beloved, please hear me when I say, you are so worthy. God died for you. He has nothing but the best for you, but you need to be able to receive it. You deserve to be madly loved, but you have to believe it before you can receive it!
Coming to theaters, okay my blog, soon: Africa Part II: Kenya
Photos coming soon—I don't have a strong enough signal to upload pics at this point in my life 🙂
