I awoke this morning with a feeling of such freedom! I am CERTAIN that you all are praying for me. Over the past several weeks Satan has been relentlessly attacking me. If he can keep me feeling afraid, ashamed and unworthy to bring the message of truth to others then I am no threat to him. So he has been working overtime to make me feel just that way.
Be not afraid! This message is brought to us by God and Christ numerous times throughout scriptures. And now I know why—fear can cripple us and we are all so susceptible to fear of some kind.
My fear was starting to overwhelm me. What was I possibly thinking?! Embarking on an 11 month mission trip when I've never even been on a weeklong mission trip?! Possibly living out of a tent for 11 months when I haven't even been camping in 10 years? Asking people for money to cover the trip when I don't make in an entire year enough to cover the cost?
I am a fool indeed.
As a perfectionist and Type A personality I am very achievement oriented and ensure everything I do is at 100% of my ability. If I’m going to expose myself and publish a blog to the world, each entry must be perfect! I must use just the right frequency of scripture, and I must keep in mind who will be reading this. I don’t want to offend anyone, and I certainly want everyone to be happy with me and proud of me!
But then I’m missing the entire point. I am not here to please man, but God alone. I have to write what the Spirit leads me to write. Even if it offends. Even if it makes me look like a fool. Even if it leaves me exposed and vulnerable.
I love going to Celebrate Recovery. It is a glorious place where you are asked to check your mask at the door and you can unashamedly worship the Lord, warts on all, with others who are a hot mess as well but who violently love the LORD! You can find freedom in being real, in telling others about all the junk in your life and hearing about theirs. It’s not uncommon to hear people openly discuss their past abuse, current addictions and past/current/future victory in Christ!
But after coffee time is over, the mask goes back on for another week. No one asks you to check your mask in life. They actually prefer you keep it on. If they see your warts they might be forced to look at their own! So to avoid that painful feeling they instead judge you, mock you, criticize you and gossip about you. Who is she to go on a mission trip? She can’t hold a job so she’s running away from life. She doesn’t even go to church every Sunday. She is throwing away her career and asking us to pay for her vacation.
But what if walking bare caused others to remove their masks as well? What if walking bare glorified God through my complete and utter dependence upon Him? Am I willing to be a fool for Christ? As a Type A perfectionist it is very difficult for me to walk humbly with my God. I want to walk proud and know that I 100% prepared and have done my research and am certain. Only a fool would jump head first into something so uncertain.
I am a fool indeed.
So as I walk bare through this life, warts and all, I know God is with me and I am experiencing His abundant freedom, grace and mercy.
It is an awesome feeling to not care what anyone but God thinks. It reminds me of being in middle school and walking around with my hair in a ponytail on the very top of my head. I would stick a pencil in it, or a candy cane—seasonally of course 🙂 I was the weird kid at school, but I was blistfully unaware! I am thankful to be back in that place now!
So what do you say? Won’t you take off your mask and join me?
