My squad left Australia on the 26th, flew to Singapore then Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. After spending the night in the airport, we left for the Philippines. For the past few days, and continuing until Thursday, we have been “debriefing” as a squad. Rest, rejuvenation, and relaxation have all happened for me the past few days. It is refreshing to be poured into by our coaches and squad leaders and just be on the other side of ministry. It couldn’t have come at a better time for me. It’s come at a time when I need to process through things… a time when I need to focus on what the Lord is teaching me (because it’s insane, btw).

This past month in Oenpelli, the Lord began a huge process in me. He began to open my eyes to the fact that I wasn’t praying the way He desires for me. Our last night in Australia, I was telling Mark (our squad leader) about what all the Lord was teaching me…
that I didn’t desire to pray
that I lacked confidence in the Lord hearing me
that I would only go so far in my prayers… He asked me how that has changed since the Lord has shown me those things.

Hm… good question, Mark. I answered with “…not really sure that it has changed…” and we left it at that. 

Then, during our “team time”, one of my teammates was struggling with some things and we decided to fight for her by praying. To be honest, my intention was never to pray. I figured I’d sit there and listen to the prayers of my teammates, and perhaps agree with their prayers, but that was as far as I wanted to go. While my other team members were praying, the Lord reminded me of Mark’s question. “Here, in this moment, I want to change it for you… I want to change the way you pray. Right now. Quit thinking about what you want to say, just open your mouth out of obedience and I, not you, will do the praying.”

So, I decided to do just that. I began praying and to be honest, I only thought about the first sentence. After that, it wasn’t me praying. Somehow, in that moment, I learned what intercession actually looks like… what it feels like. I was no longer praying the things that I thought God wanted for Emily. I wasn’t praying what I thought she needed to hear. In fact, I wasn’t praying at all. The Lord was speaking THROUGH me. Confidently. Boldly. Without hesitation. Without thinking before I was speaking. I was just speaking. And in that, Lana’s words weren’t coming out. I felt the presence of the Lord in an overwhelming way. I felt it and my team felt it. 

Sometimes He is just waiting for us to get over ourselves and quit trying. 
Quit thinking. 
Quit
fearing. 
Quit hesitating. 
It all goes back to solely depending on Him. Not ourselves. Not our prayers, but His. This has absolutely nothing to do with us. The moment that we die to ourselves is the moment that He comes alive in us. 

I’m dying everyone. Daily. Just wanted to warn you.