He Deserves Unencumbered Praise
>> One of the things that hit me hard in Molepolole, Botswana was the abandonment with which the people praised the Lord. It’s like I was reminded afresh of the praise my God actually deserves because of how extravagant He is, & how much freedom & joy is available to me in Him. This first occurred to me at a missions conference that was being held at Capro Missions base, our accommodation for the month of December. It was a few nights of lectures, worship & prayer. I wandered into the conference room a couple nights in a row & was struck by the freedom with which they praised, there was no self-consciousness, there was no insecurity, there was just dancing before the Lord, & singing without reservation & that was permissible & okay & enough. And that was beautiful. People were breaking a sweat & getting wild worshipping, & that was really cool. I was humbled & somewhat embarrassed of the modesty with which I praised Him in these settings where people were putting all of their energy into giving Him glory. I thought about how I sometimes put more passion & force into screaming something out when I’m angry than I do into shouting Hallelujah in worship, & how lame that is. Simply witnessing the people worship in this country reminded me how deserving God is of glory & praise, & when I feel like jumping up & down & dancing in delight in my Lord…I can, even if no one else is.
He Promises Provision, not Perfection
>> One of my favorite lessons from Africa so far was learning that God is our Provider, & He is the Author & Perfector of our faith…but that doesn’t mean He is the Perfector of our circumstances. For my second month in Africa I was in Bloemfontein, South Africa at a ministry called Eden House where I learned a lot from seeing the faith displayed by our ministry hosts. The ministry was a home for the intellectually disabled / mentally ill & there were about 100 residents, when we arrived at Eden there were no staff members other than the couple that runs the ministry, Ralph & Rhoda. One thing Ralph said that struck me was, “We don’t know what we’re going to eat next week, but we know we’re going to eat”. That, is faith. The residents at Eden depend solely on food donations & some meat & veggies from their farm, but ultimately…the residents at Eden depend solely on the Lord to provide food. And He has never failed them. Like any ministry, things didn’t always run smoothly & like a lot of ministries, the labourers were few. Everything did not go perfectly all the time, there were mistakes, things went wrong, but the ministry was still successful, still alive, & most importantly the Lord was still in it. The Lord doesn’t promise perfection, but He promises provision, He will provide everything that we need to carry out His will for our lives.
It Doesn’t Matter Where The Heck You Are
>> I feel like there are things that we want in our own soul sometimes without even knowing it…one thing I think I was desiring subconsciously for this leg of the Race was a change of scenery. A lot of months out of these 7 have been spent in smaller cities or small towns, & I think I was wanting something a little bit extraordinary for January. Maybe village life…having to haul water & sleep in our tents & go without WiFi. Or maybe a metropolis. Or maybe being surrounded by a stunning landscape, like breathtaking mountains or rolling hills. I wouldn’t admit it, but inside I was hoping to get what I wanted…& then we rolled into Bloemfontein, South Africa…the forsaken place. Our second week here I went to the grocery store & ended up talking to an old man named Phillip, I’ll never forget the sentence he repeated to me over and over, “I’m ever sorry, my dear, the day I moved to Bloemfontein” in his thick South African accent. Many cab drivers we’d talked to expressed the same sentiments. It seemed as if this city had thrived & been important once, but now it’s time had ended. The reputation of this place seemed to hang in the atmosphere during my month there, & eventually settle into my soul, bringing me back to another “forsaken place” I knew all too well, good old Fort Vermilion, Alberta. I remember sitting on my bed at Eden trying to get to the bottom of why I felt like I used to when I was 18 years old sitting on my bed in Fort…downcast, hopeless & heavy without knowing why. All I really knew was that the enemy was happy with the state I was in & that I had to snap out of it soon. I talked to my Mom a little when I could access WiFi on weekends & she said some things about me being unhappy where I am, & believing the grass is greener elsewhere. I thought about it a lot, & I don’t know how true that is anymore, but I know that was my greatest malady at one point, which I now know the remedy to: to simply own my identity in Christ, & not let my surroundings seep in & plant doubt. When I was young & dumb I definitely thought the grass got greener the further you trekked away from Fort, but at this point I’ve learned that the only place the grass is really green is in Psalm 23, & that’s a heavenly pasture I can only get to in spirit & then disposition, not on foot.
You Should Probably Say Something
>> What the Lord is teaching me currently as I step into a fresh team & poise my mind & heart for what He’s going to do as we enter Swaziland soon is pretty short, sweet & to the point: essentially He’s teaching me how to stand up for myself. And how humility isn’t actually just letting people walk all over you all the time. I can be bold & unapologetic when I’m standing up for Jesus, or presenting a truth from the Lord, but it’s a different story when it’s a matter of telling a person it’s not okay to treat me like crap. Something God has shown me is that when He convicts me of something, or gives me eyes to see something, & then I’m called to make that known, but instead I shrink back & conceal it because I believe it won’t be received or won’t be effective for me to speak it out, I’m underhandedly telling God He’s small & incapable of inciting change through me. It seems the Lord has to show me how things are hurting Him in order for me to really wake up to the issues, ’cause I could care less if they’re hurting me. This all ties in with friendships, & the revelation that a massive amount of my friendships involve possessiveness, jealousy, manipulation & appeasement. Also the realization that I’ve barely had a healthy friendship in my life outside of me & my Mom, because I was so used to being treated like crud (because I believed I was crud), & just did what I had to do to keep the peace. If friends wanted to ditch me for people more worthy of their time, cool, I’d disappear until it was convenient for them to see me again, & I felt like that was serving them well. So screwed up, right? So the Lord’s schooling me, yet again. Lol. He’s taught me to stand up for Christ & is now teaching me to stand up for Christ in me, the hope of glory.
Onwards to Swaziland! Pray for me :).
