In India I have felt like a girl is kind of a shameful thing to be.
I wake up each morning & get dressed & do my hair with the intention of hiding or minimizing myself (which is forcing me to realize my beauty lies not in outward adornment, 1 Peter 3:3-4). I am actively trying not to draw attention.
When my scarf flew up in the wind & a little girl gasped & pulled it back down over my shoulder…
When we swam in our full Punjabis & scarves & men in bikini-cut men’s underwear came over to take pictures of us in our wet clothes…
When I smiled too big at a boy…
Shame, shame.
Shame on you for existing as a woman here in all of your sensuality.
I don’t know if I’m writing this from the best place in my soul right now, because I don’t know if I’ve really reached that much of a conclusion on the issue, but I’m trying to figure out what it means to be a woman here as I write, & how to love the oppressors.
In my head I know that Jesus loves the man here (the powerful) as much as he loves the woman (the powerless), because if they are both without Him, they are equally without hope.
It’s just a matter of me loving the man with Christ’s love as I love the woman, & if I don’t love the man…am I loving with Christ’s love at all?
I was reading through Hindu proverbs about women online to remind myself of the indoctrination that has taken place in this nation throughout history, trying to come to the conclusion of compassion on the basis of men being deceived & kept in ignorance, an ignorance that works to their advantage, although I shouldn’t need justification for my compassion…it should pour out unconditionally like it did from Jesus. I was also looking for some quotes that I had seen in an outstanding documentary on female gendercide/infanticide in Asia a few months before coming here…I didn’t find the quotes but I did rekindle the indignation in my soul against ideas like this:
“For women, there is no ornament more valuable than their husbands.”
“Lord Indra Himself has said, ‘The mind of a woman cannot be disciplined; she has very little intelligence.'”
“Even if destitute of virtue, or seeking pleasure elsewhere (adulterous), or devoid of good qualities, a husband must be constantly worshipped as a god by a faithful wife.”
“Women are powerless, have no inheritance, and speak more humbly than even a bad man.”
“A woman is impure by her very birth; but she attains a happy state by serving her lord (husband).”
It’s interesting that one of the wonders of the world found in India, the Taj Mahal, known for it’s beauty & grandeur, was built by an emperor as a mausoleum for his wife. A woman.
It’s interesting that these scriptures all speak of the uselessness of a woman, yet last week I saw women with work shirts over their sarees manually loading rock into a big bowl on their heads, then carrying it & dumping it into a cement mixer until the giant piles of rock depleted, for about 12 hours a day, helping the male builders next door.
I am so deeply disturbed & grieved over these lies that set themselves up against the Truth.
The documentary I watched at home (& recommend to everyone) is called “It’s a Girl” & it informs the viewer that although in the West these words spoken at the birth of a new baby are associated with excitement & joy, in countries like India & China they are sometimes associated with disappointment & resentment, they can be a death sentence.
I have seen women smiling here a lot, I have seen little girls bursting with joy, having fun, I have seen happiness in women.
But the reality is that gendercide & infanticide in India is a very, very real thing. Girls are systematically eliminated because of something outside of their control. They are abandoned, aborted, or murdered immediately after birth because of their sex.
India has 37 million more men than women, which testifies to the severity of this issue.
This is the most vile crime against girls in India, followed by sex trafficking, rape & harassment, dowry issues, & high female suicide rates as a result of how hard it is to exist as “her” instead of “him” here.
It’s interesting though, because the womb of a woman bore every person here who deems a woman worthless.
There is such turmoil in my soul about womanhood as a whole in India & the oppressions & dynamics are varied, vast, & unexplainable. The women here have the most evident servant hearts I have ever seen anywhere in my life; they are selfless, endearing, lovely, caring & kind. Even though I dislike having to wear a scarf in 45 degrees Celsius…the fact that a woman’s body is treated as a treasure to be concealed from all eyes but her husband’s is pretty flipping honorable…I don’t know if that’s the idea behind the modesty…but I have been able to look on the bright side here, to see tons of beauty in the broken, tons of light in the darkness, a darkness that may be foreign but really is no darker than the West.
So their idols have physical altars while ours just have internal ones in our hearts.
So they kill the unwanted babies after birth, while we choose the “civilized” method & do it in the womb.
Come on. If I look at this nation & pity the people as if we have it all figured out back home NOTHING is accomplished, because they do a lot of things better than us here. North America is a messed up place too, we’re just good at saving face.
I am no better than India, you are no more intelligent than India, we have no solution for India, especially not in our first world ostentatiousness.
Only God has the answers, & they don’t come from a platform of condescension, they come from a place of authentic love.
The list of injustices against women in this nation goes on from unspeakable horror to seemingly more mild (yet not mild at all), equally complex issues that will plague a girl when she escapes death in utero & post partum & learns to exist as a woman ought to here.
I haven’t even gotten a small taste of what it means to be a woman in India, because I’m not an Indian woman. Other than the minor inconvenience of being stared at by men (provoking unfathomable awkwardness from me), & the discomfort of sweating in full-coverage Punjabis & layers, I have no idea what it’s like.
I don’t know what it’s like to walk alone through the streets as a woman.
I don’t know what it’s like to walk alone through the streets as a little girl.
I don’t know what it’s like to be abducted by traffickers.
I don’t know what it’s like to wear the “appropriate” clothes all the time & only do my hair the acceptable way.
I don’t know what it’s like to be abused by my husband for being pregnant with a baby girl.
I don’t know what it’s like to not be able to pay the dowry demanded from a groom/groom’s family.
I don’t know what it’s like to watch someone suffocate my baby girl after she is born, or to do it myself because that’s what’s expected of me.
I don’t know what it’s like to be okay with people expecting perfection & selfless service from me all the time.
I do not know what it’s like, & so I won’t do Indian women the dishonor of pretending to identify with them, because I don’t…but I do know more people need to become aware of the immense tragedy that is gendercide in India, & I do know that although I cannot relate, by God’s grace I am capable of compassion, intercession & action.
And so I will try to spread awareness, and I will love, and I will pray that my sisters in India will one day be released from the trap of deception, that they will find their inherent, undeniable & IMMENSE value in Jesus, & walk in strong, holy opposition to a former untrue identity.
I will believe that God is good even when nothing & no one is.
The most epic truth that I can stand on is that God is sovereign, & He loves women. He loves us. He made us bearers of life & carriers of beauty & hope. Like we have a womb to carry human life in…that’s an extremely special purpose. He made us to be fierce & bold & meek & holy & pure & tender messengers of Truth. He crafted us with intentions of a glorious fate, that Satan & humanity have diverted in ways unique to each nation, but He is always able to redeem.
For a deeper look into the plight of women in India check out these documentaries: It’s A Girl & Veil of Tears.
Please watch the video below, it will expand your awareness & break your heart (which is a good thing):
