[Written 08/17/13 << from a couple weeks ago]
This month, our squad is split up into three groups: a women’s group in Manzini, a women’s group in Nsoko (where I am right now), and all the men are at a location called El Shaddai somewhere up in the mountains (not jealous…). Last night, at 8 PM, we all had a prayer/worship night under the stars, each group at their separate locations, but together in spirit. (When the moon isn’t so bright, you can see the Milky Way!) We prayed over our squad—for those who left the Race, for ourselves—and sang and danced and cried before the Maker of it all.
At one point in the night, Julie spoke out about letting go of timidity, that there are still some of us who are being timid with our lives, with our gifts, with our abilities. And we need to step out of that.
“For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline” (2 Timothy 1:7).
This is one of my life verses. Yet, I realized last night that I had become timid. I’m a team leader for our month in Swaziland, and I know that God has placed me in this position because it is currently the best for me and the best for my team. However, over the past couple weeks, I haven’t been living as if I have a spirit of power inside of me; I’ve been allowing lies and insecurities dictate how I act around others and how I feel about myself. I’m not cool enough to be in that conversation. I’m not smart or bold enough to be a leader, here. They don’t want to hang around me because they probably think I’m too much of a “goody-goody.” You shouldn’t speak up because you’ll just sound stupid and you’re not really hearing from God. If you stay quiet, you won’t make any mistakes. You can’t make mistakes.
NO.
I’m surrounded by 21 strong, beautiful women, whom all have that spirit of power, love, and self-discipline inside of them. I love each of them and I know that they each love me. God’s majesty is displayed so evidently in this place—in the clear-cut outline of the mountains in the distance and in the shooting stars I see at night. I love Him and I know He loves me. So what do I have to fear? Nothing. What reasons do I have to be timid? There are none.
